Chapters (60)
- Cover
- Books by Sheryl Browne
- Dedication
- KARLA
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Epilogue
- The Affair
- Hear more from Sheryl
- Books by Sheryl Browne
- A Letter from Sheryl
- The Babysitter
- The Second Wife
- Acknowledgements
Lost, I want to cry. I can’t find me. I don’t know me. ‘Watching the leaf,’ I say weakly instead.
‘Watching the leaf where, Karla?’ Jason asks carefully.
I hesitate. Why does he want to know? He’s not likely to come to me when he’s halfway to the airport to meet his fantasy.
‘Karla, please…’ he begs, his voice filled with emotion.
‘In the window,’ I tell him. He won’t come. He’s salving his own conscience, that’s all. Checking to make sure I’m functioning. He will lie to me, probably. Tell me he’s not going to try to steal my children. But he is. I know he is. He was going to take them to her. I know this, I want to rage at him. But she’s not there. I’m not here. Don’t you see?
I gulp back a sob. Jessie is me!
‘Which window, Karla? Please tell me,’ he asks.
‘The bedroom. Our old room,’ I supply. ‘Sarah’s here with me.’
‘Fuck,’ Jason utters. ‘Stay where you are, Karla. Don’t move. Promise me you won’t move.’
‘I’m cold,’ I say instead.
I don’t move though, even when I see my mother appear from the front door, her face horrified as she looks up at me.
‘Karla, please…’ she says wretchedly. ‘Get down, sweetheart. I should have told you; I know I should have. We’ll talk now – I’ll tell you anything you need to know – but… Please get down from there, Karla. For Holly and Josh…’ She breaks off, her voice catching.
Holly. Josh. My babies. My heart constricts. I’m no good to them. They don’t want me. They want their father. But… they need me. I need them. I can’t live without them. Without anything or anyone. ‘He’s taking them,’ I cry. ‘He’s stealing them.’
‘He’s not,’ my mother assures me. ‘I’ve spoken to him. I told him about Michael, Karla. He’s on his way here now. He— Oh, thank God.’
I follow her gaze and my heart rate spikes. He’s here. My husband. A good husband. Was. Once. I look down at him, raw grief flooding through me at the thought of losing him. That I might already have lost him. I thought I could make him love me again, if he remembered who I was. Instead, I’ve made him loathe me.
His face deathly pale, Jason looks up at me. ‘Karla?’ he says softly, and I feel as if my heart might fracture completely.
‘Jason, please do something.’ My mother flies towards him. ‘She won’t budge. The bedroom door’s locked. I’ve tried—’
‘Where the hell have you been?’ Jason snaps, catching hold of her arms and moving her aside.
‘With Michael,’ she answers ashamedly. ‘He has a wife. I needed to talk to him. I… Jason, none of that matters now. Please—’