Chapters (60)
- Cover
- Books by Sheryl Browne
- Dedication
- KARLA
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Epilogue
- The Affair
- Hear more from Sheryl
- Books by Sheryl Browne
- A Letter from Sheryl
- The Babysitter
- The Second Wife
- Acknowledgements
My blood runs cold. Dimly, I am aware of the telephone ringing as, my hands trembling, my knuckles white, I clutch the paper tight.
‘In an exclusive interview, Jason Connolly’s birth mother, Julie Ferguson, a former employee of Fenton’s Bespoke Plumbing, reveals that the private adoption of her son was organised by none other than his father, Robert Fenton…’
I stop breathing. My emotions reeling, I glance up at the ceiling, trying desperately to assimilate. It’s still there when I look back at it, the same ridiculous, ludicrous… fucking lie! My mind races as I try to digest this. Nausea curdles my stomach. Icy fingers of realisation tug at my heart, at my mind, dragging me back to that long-ago day when my father tried to make me ‘see sense’.
I hear him, his voice oozing paternal concern: ‘I understand you want to be with him, princess. I know love isn’t choosy. I won’t try to influence your decision, sweetheart, I wouldn’t dream of it, but you can postpone motherhood for a while, surely? You’re young. You have plenty of time to have children…’
He’d been standing over me, his eyes full of sympathy. And something else, something I couldn’t read at the time: panic. I see it now, the cogs of his despicable mind going round as he looked away, groping for a way to save his own skin, his company, which meant more to him – means more to him – than his own children. He’d decided to sacrifice me. He’d decided to sacrifice his grandchild. He’d tried to make me abort my baby.
All these years? I quash the scream rising inside me. The lies he’s told. The lie I’ve been living. The indescribable hurt… Jason! He knew. My heart lurches painfully. How long has he known? Surely he hasn’t always? No! That’s inconceivable. My thoughts come rapidly now, a mad rush in my head. But when…?
But I know. I know exactly when. Robert engineered it. Promising him financial backing, he set Jason up, and then cold-heartedly delivered the news that would destroy him, destroy us. Meanwhile, thanks to the insidious seeds of doubt he planted, he ensured that I would be in Jason’s office, checking his internet activity. Closing my eyes, I see Jason’s face, his incredulity, his bitter disappointment. I might as well have driven this knife through his heart.
He walked away from me. Chose not to tell me. He chose to leave me. My father chose not to tell me, making a conscious decision instead to crush all that was dear to me. To allow me to live with this. My children to live with it.
Swallowing back the bile climbing my throat, my thoughts swing to my mother. Where is she? Is this why she’s suddenly unavailable, uncontactable? Hiding away, too ashamed to face me?