‘You’re a good man,’ I told him.

‘I wasn’t always,’ he said and his eyes flickered from mine.

‘You repented and you stopped,’ I said. ‘That’s what matters.’

I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t want to have this conversation. There are things I had buried deep in the recesses of my mind and Joe’s sins, those awful ones, were one of them.

‘I could get Father Brennan for you, to hear a confession. It might put your mind at rest a little.’

‘I think my sins are beyond what Father Brennan could fix for me,’ he said sadly.

‘But if I could forgive you …’ I said, my voice faltering.

‘The others haven’t,’ he said.

‘Others?’

I felt a shiver run through me. I knew of one. Heidi. I’d suspected something when I stayed at the house. I’d confronted him and he’d promised that he would stop. He promised me he hadn’t hurt anyone else.

‘I’m so sorry,’ he said. ‘I’ve been so weak. I didn’t mean to. I couldn’t help it. I really tried, really, really tried.’

‘Who?’ I asked, my voice firm. I pulled my hand from his.

‘Does it matter now?’ he said. ‘It will all come out when I’m gone. I’m sure of it.’

‘Who?’ I asked again.

Who else had been told they were Joe McKee’s ‘favourite’? His ‘special girl’. I remembered how confused it had made me feel, but how I loved him. And how he had cried when I was older and asked him about it. How he said he was a bad person and he should just kill himself. And I’d be so, so scared that he would that I told him it was okay. I told him I was okay because that was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?

He whispered two names. Ciara and Heidi, of course.

‘When did it stop?’ I asked him.

‘I don’t remember … maybe Heidi was around thirteen. Something like that.’

I knew immediately that was at least two years after I’d left. Two years after he’d promised me, swore to me that he wouldn’t do it again.

He had lied to me. He had betrayed my trust once again. Something snapped.

‘They’ll tell everyone, after I’m gone, I know it. If not before. Everyone will know I’m a monster.’

I soothed him, because it felt like the right thing to do. I told him that I would sort it out, just as I did before. He wasn’t to worry.

What I didn’t tell him was that I had no intention of our family secrets being spilled. I had no intention of people asking me questions. Asking me did I know. Asking me if he did it to me, too. Because I loved him, as flawed as he was. As much of a monster as he was, he was still my big brother and if I could do one thing for him I would make sure his reputation was protected.

It was a mercy killing of sorts, in the end. I had left him, content, and gone downstairs. I had looked at the faces of the two young women whose lives he had destroyed. I had thought of the child I had been. Nine years old, or was it eight? I thought of all the times he told me it was because he loved me. All those times I believed him. Helped him.