She blinks at me, her eyes wide with gratitude. ‘Could you? Would you?’

Her vulnerability unnerves me a little. It saddens me. I know I’ve seen it before, when I was young and vulnerable myself. I nod and lift the phone.

As expected, the police confirm they didn’t remove any paperwork from the house. Heidi’s face falls as I tell her the news. I see the livid red marks on her arms from her scratching. I kneel in front of her and take her hands in mine to stop her from hurting herself.

‘You have to stay strong now, okay? For Alex and for Lily. I’ll call Mum and Kathleen now. I know this is scary but,’ I glance down at her arms, ‘hurting yourself isn’t going to help.’

She looks down, startled as if she hasn’t even realised she is doing it, and starts to rub her arms gently.

‘You’re right,’ she says. ‘You’re right.’

I sit beside her while I make the calls.

Chapter Sixty-Nine

Ciara

Now

Kathleen agrees to come over. I asked her if she had the diaries and she went very quiet for a moment.

‘Yes, I do. But why do you need them?’

‘Oh, just some admin. Dad left some passwords, pin numbers, that kind of thing, in his diary. I need to access some stuff to close accounts, access his savings, et cetera.’

‘I can look through them, see if I can find anything?’ she said. ‘I’ll call you right back. I’m sorry for taking them. I just wanted to feel closer to him. It’s a comfort to me seeing his handwriting.’

‘I get that,’ I told her, trying to keep my voice level. ‘It’s really only his latest diary I need to see. If you could even bring that. I’ll give it straight back,’ I lied.

I didn’t tell her about Alex. I didn’t tell her to look or not look at the back pages of the diary. I just piled on the traumatised daughter voice thick and heavy until she sighed and agreed.

‘I won’t be long,’ she’d told me.

That had been half an hour ago and Heidi and I are now both getting impatient.

I feel as if I could cry when I see a taxi pull up outside and watch as Auntie Kathleen, looking so much older than her years, climbs out of the car and looks at the house, pausing for a moment before she spots me in the window. She doesn’t smile. She looks serious.

‘She’s here,’ I say as if Heidi hasn’t been as fixated on the window and watching for her arrival as I have.

‘It will help, won’t it? What he wrote?’ she asks me.

‘I hope so,’ I tell her, but the truth is I don’t really know if it will or won’t.

She gives me a weak, watery smile. I jump when I hear the doorbell ring, even though I have watched Kathleen walk up the path and reach her hand towards the door.