There is an urgency to her voice. A manic quality. I press my ear tighter against the well-worn carpet.

‘It has to be her,’ I hear her say. ‘She’s upstairs. Yes … I know … there’s no proof, but it makes total sense, don’t you see?’

The loud ringing of the doorbell makes me jump. It’s Alex, or at least I hope it’s Alex. Then again … What if he believes her too? What if they all believe her?

I stand up, glance back to Lily and, content that she is safe, I go to the bedroom door and pull it open. I tense when I hear Alex’s voice at the bottom of the stairs.

‘What is it, Ciara? Jesus, you look awful. Where’s Heidi? Her car’s outside. And Lily?’ The panic in his voice is evident.

‘Come in, come in,’ I hear Ciara say. ‘Let’s get a cup of tea and talk.’

She sounds so calm. So normal.

‘Ciara, you’re scaring me,’ Alex says. ‘Where’s my wife?’

From the top of the stairs I call out ‘I’m here,’ but there is no hiding the tremor in my voice. Alex looks up at me, his face a picture of complete confusion.

‘Heidi, what’s going on?’ he asks as Ciara glares at me defiantly.

I open my mouth to speak, but Ciara cuts in. ‘Heidi here has something to tell you. About what happened to Joe. About what she did, but don’t worry, because she had a good reason and the police will understand. We just have to stand firm together.’

Alex does not break his gaze from me.

I’m shaking my head. ‘That’s not it at all,’ I say, but I can see the fear on his face. The shock.

‘What’s she talking about?’ he asks.

‘I didn’t do anything. You have to believe me,’ I say. ‘It wasn’t me.’

‘It was self-defence,’ Ciara says, ignoring me. ‘We can tell the police it was self-defence. We’re going to tell them what he did, Alex. We’re going to tell everyone.’

Alex looks between the two of us. I gingerly take a few steps down towards him.

‘Alex, don’t listen to her … She has it all wrong.’

I’m forcing myself to maintain eye contact with him, even though every fibre of my body is screaming at me to look away.

‘Heidi …’ She says my name, just my name.

His face crumples. I can see I am losing him.

‘Why don’t we all sit down?’ Ciara says, and I follow her, limply, to the living room.

I glance back at Alex trailing dejectedly behind me, all colour drained from his face.

Clearing my throat, I speak. ‘Alex, you must believe me that I love you and I never meant to keep anything from you. I just … I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you the truth. I’ve never told anyone. I wouldn’t have told anyone … but Ciara …’

‘Don’t say it,’ he says, raising one hand, closing his eyes, shaking his head.