I kept an eye on the grocery list on the fridge door, hoping Em would leave me a message. But Molly and my mother were with us every night; maybe my grocery list was too public for what Em had to say. It was only a week or two before this that I told Grace I would be going to Aspen and the Hotel Jerome in early February—a month before she was due. “I just want to see where I came from—I don’t need to know more about what happened,” I said.

“Okay—I’ll tell Matthew to wait to be born until you come back,” Grace said with a laugh; we were both laughing.

The going got tougher when I told my mom and Molly my reasons for taking a trip to see the Jerome when my wife would be eight months pregnant. “I just want to see where I came from,” I said again, but this time I paused; I knew I couldn’t tell them what I’d told Grace. “I just want to get the ghosts over with, without involving Grace,” I told my mother and the night groomer. The without involving Grace part was true, but I wanted the ghosts to come back. The last thing I wanted was to get the ghosts over with.

“This is a funny time to go to the Jerome, sweetie—you should have gone there already; you should have long been back,” my mother said.

“Just be careful, Kid—not only when you’re skiing. I mean, in general,” the old ski patroller said.

“When you come back, don’t even think about going there again—you don’t want to end up at the Jerome, sweetie,” my mom told me. This was a new one for the night groomer and me; Molly and I just looked at Little Ray, but she ignored us.

The little English teacher and I were still writing to each other, and there were any number of times I could have told Elliot and Em about my upcoming trip to Aspen and the Jerome, but I didn’t. I couldn’t beat around the bush with Mr. Barlow; she knew me too well. The snowshoer would know there was more to my restlessness with married life than my missing the ghosts. And wouldn’t Em have wondered about my going anywhere without my new wife? I suppose these were the reasons I didn’t tell Em my plans to go, but someone told her.