It wasn’t the fighting between other students that scared me. The paralyzing fear came when it happened between students but was broken apart by staff who often hit back and hit harder. I remember wishing I could say something. I remember wanting to scream, the enemy of your enemy is your friend. That’s what Sarah told me. If all of us believed it and acted like that, we could stage a rebellion. We could figure out a way to break out or, at the very least, try to overtake the place enough that someone would be forced to call the police.

I like to think that if Sarah had never disappeared, we would’ve done that.

A sob breaks free from my chest. Sarah never disappeared. She died.

My hair is a sopping mess, when I get out of the shower and slip into Fitz’s robe, but I don’t care. I walk back into the entry where I left my phone on the table when I came in, finding texts from Fitz I missed earlier.

Fitz

Going up to my room in an hour after dinner. Will try calling you.

Checked with Al at the front door. He said you went up. Guess you fell asleep.

“Later.” I know if I call him now, I won’t be able to hide the shaking in my voice. “I’ll deal with him later.”

I call my sister because—unlike most daughters—I won’t be able to reach my parents. Madeline answers on the second ring.

“What happened?”

I take a deep breath. “I think that’s a question better suited for you,” I say slowly. “Do you know what happened? I never asked.”

“What are you⁠—”

“Do you…” I begin to repeat. “Do you know what happened when they took me? Do you even know where they took me?”

“Have you been drinking?”

I’ve never been more sober in my life. Not ever.

“I want to talk to Mom. Now.”

“I’m at home. It’s almost midnight,” Madeline informs me. “Whatever drama you’re stirring up, it can wait.”

I lift the phone and tap it furiously against my head before lowering it and trying to calm my breathing.

“I screamed for you that night,” I whisper. “I thought I was going to die.”

“Well, you didn’t.”

The truth hurts. She’s right. I didn’t die.

But Sarah did.

I squeeze my eyes shut as my body shakes. So much of me began to die that night I called out for Maddy. My trust, hope, and mind. Small bits broke off that night, and with every day I stayed in Horizons, the pieces chipped away at me were larger.