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Back The Americana Playbook Save as PDF
Chapters (63)
  1. THE AMERICANA PLAYBOOK
  2. Dear Reader
  3. The Troubled Teen Industry
  4. Dedication
  5. Epigraph
  6. New England Rebels
  7. Day 44
  8. Chapter 1
  9. Chapter 2
  10. Chapter 3
  11. Chapter 4
  12. Day 55
  13. Chapter 5
  14. TWO MONTHS LATER
  15. Chapter 6
  16. Chapter 7
  17. Chapter 8
  18. Day 68
  19. Chapter 9
  20. Chapter 10
  21. Chapter 11
  22. Chapter 12
  23. Day 78
  24. Chapter 13
  25. Chapter 14
  26. Chapter 15
  27. Chapter 16
  28. Chapter 17
  29. Day 84
  30. Chapter 18
  31. Chapter 19
  32. Chapter 20
  33. Day 91
  34. Chapter 21
  35. Chapter 22
  36. Day 100
  37. Chapter 23
  38. Chapter 24
  39. Chapter 25
  40. Chapter 26
  41. Day 113
  42. Chapter 27
  43. Chapter 28
  44. Chapter 29
  45. Chapter 30
  46. Day 128
  47. Chapter 31
  48. Chapter 32
  49. Chapter 33
  50. Day 147
  51. Chapter 34
  52. Chapter 35
  53. Chapter 36
  54. Chapter 37
  55. Chapter 38
  56. Chapter 39
  57. Chapter 40
  58. Epilogue
  59. ONE MONTH LATER
  60. FIVE YEARS LATER
  61. Acknowledgments
  62. Also by Cathryn Carter
  63. About the Author

Dear Fitzy,

Today I’ve been gone 44 days.

You know how much I hate math. You must be laughing. Never in my life have I cared to count so much. If I’ve been counting right, it’s early October and well into your last season of high school football. I’m sorry I missed most of it. I thought I might be back to catch some games, but now, I’m sure I’ll miss all of them.

I think about you a lot. I’ve been wondering what you were doing every moment since day 1 when I began to count from the back seat of the car the night they took me. It was day 17 when I realized I might never come home.

Most of the time, I don’t even know why I count. Time doesn’t really exist here anyway. I don’t even exist here. Nothing does. Not freedom, the ability to think or make choices for myself. There are uniforms that are really a cross between hospital scrubs and cheap pajamas. The food rotates between a few shades of beige. The television has only one thing playing on it. There’s no phone to use unless you have permission and supervision, and even then, you can only call your parents. There are no asks to be made. You can’t get another blanket when you’re cold. Forget demanding privacy when you shower, you can’t even beg for it. I’ve been stripped of not just clothes, but my identity. There isn’t much left of myself to hold onto. I don’t know how to manage to hold on to hope, Fitz, but I am. Just believe me when I say it’s by the skin of my teeth.

And believe me when I say, if I could ask for anything, it would be a moment with you. Because between counting days and minutes, what I think about is how my life was one giant lie. But not you, Fitz. You were the truth.

I wish I could write down everything to do on this napkin I snuck from the cafeteria. The pen I stole from the art room keeps making holes in it. I’m sorry if it’s hard to read. I’m sorry I didn’t know I needed to say goodbye that night. I know things have been hard between us, but I’m going to ask one thing.

If I make it out of here, I’m going to try to forget this all one day. Please remember it happened though. Maybe then it can end with me.

Rebels Only.

Parker

Chapter 1

“Has this been the welcome home you’ve always dreamed of, Fitz?”