Once we are standing in front of it, I give the flowers to Landon, and he puts them down in front of it.

Alexander Russo

An amazing son, a loyal friend, an unforgettable husband

I found out I was pregnant a few weeks after Alexander died. At first, I didn't want to keep it and I was going to get an abortion because I didn't feel like taking care of someone when Alexander died but then I started thinking about what Alexander would want since he is the father. He would want me to keep the baby and try to move on.

After the night of the ball, I was heartbroken. I didn't eat or sleep, which was bad for the baby, but my family helped me. Thank God the Russian problem was finally solved though, at least for now it is. My father is trying to make sure everything is okay along with Killian since he is now taking the lead of the boss.

When I found out that Cameron’s whole life here was just a front I was shocked. Cameron has been on this mission, trying to kill me and my family for almost my entire life, with his brother.

But when I had Landon, it felt like something beautiful entered my life and made it brighter. He looks exactly like Alexander but with some of my features. He has light brown hair and hazel eyes. He also has Alexander's ears and lips. Every time I look at him, I see a smaller version of Alexander from when we were five.

"Hi, daddy," Landon says. He likes to talk to Alexander every time we visit. "Today momma and I had eggs and bacon for breakfast. She said it was your favorite. We also drew pictures last night too. I drew one of you, momma, and I." I showed Landon some pictures of Alexander because he wanted to see what his father looked like. He said that he looked cool which made me laugh. "I miss you. I wish I could see you." Landon then kisses the headstone and I try not to let a tear slip but when it does Landon sees and he comes up to me and wraps his tiny arms around me. I let out another sob and wrap my arms around him. "It's okay, momma. You can cry."

I don't like crying in front of him. I want to be strong for him.

I'm not going to lie; this whole parent thing has been so hard. But with my dad, Killian, and Alexander's parents have been super helpful. Jane also decided to move in with me for a good year to help me out.

Things with my mom have been getting worse, slowly.

I found out she has cancer a few years ago, around the time Landon was born.

She is dying, I know she is.

But I don’t want to admit it.