By the sounds of it, Jason was a bit of a ladies’ man and teased Ben about trailing behind in bedpost notches. I was pleased. I had no claim on Ben, or any intention of our relationship moving beyond platonic, but it was nice to learn he wasn’t a player.

12

SATURDAY 7 OCTOBER 2017

I’d had a nice evening at the gym, it was a laugh listening to the banter between Ben and Jason. It made me realise how little I knew him, his friends, his family. As I tried to sleep, I kept picturing his sweaty face beaming at me from the mats, watching me try to skip and having no rhythm whatsoever. His perfectly shaped teeth dazzling under the spotlights and the touch of his fingers wrapped around mine as he helped me up when I fell. It felt weird to think of Ben that way. Almost as though I hadn’t looked at him properly before.

I booted up my laptop early Saturday morning, after another fitful night. I had forgotten to check the email Debbie had sent yesterday and wanted to find out what had gone on at work. She’d written that they were missing me in the office and hoped I was feeling better. Not to rush back before I was ready but to let her know when I was up for having visitors as she would love to pop in for a tea. It was sweet of her and I found it easier to interact when not face to face. I typed a quick response back, letting her know I would see her on Monday for the meeting.

The email Stuart was talking about was a communication that had been distributed to everyone involved; I found it further down my inbox. It explained the reason behind the decision for redundancies, that being the newly acquired company Drive had bought. The amalgamation would lead to a necessary restructuring of personnel. It laid out the terms of thirty days for consultations, one-to-one sessions with human resources and alternative proposals where possible to avoid losing staff. It added that voluntary redundancy options could be available for some candidates.

I’d have to go in on Monday, but I still didn’t know what to do. Should I opt for the voluntary redundancy? I owed money that I didn’t have, unless I got a loan out to consolidate my debt or, worse, ask my mum to release money from her house. The idea didn’t bear thinking about and I didn’t mention it when she rang that morning, annoyed I hadn’t returned her call. Since my chat with Ben, I’d reverted to taking my medication at the prescribed dose so was back in the real world, more alert and better prepared to deal with her if she was drunk.

‘How are you doing, love?’ Her words slurred even though it was barely ten o’clock.