I don’t know what the future holds for Emily and me. And I don’t want to know. I don’t want more cryptic hints from my mom, don’t want to plan out the next year—five years, ten years—of our relationship. Or my life. I want to understand how Emily sees me. I want her to understand how I see her. And maybe we’ll learn something about ourselves in the process.

community/TheUnusuals post by n/thatsahumanperson

Thanks to everyone who messaged me with their stories about That Place. Some of it was really harrowing to read but I heard from one of you that, at least in the division near me, things might be changing for the better. I really, really hope that’s true.

And I think those of you who told me to stay away from inserting myself into that whole mess were right. I wasn’t able to stop my sister, but she’s okay, somehow, thankfully, against all odds. And I think … I think we’re okay. But keeping things that way is going to take a lot of work. From both of us.

I feel like I’ve been doing the same thing with this community that she’s been doing with her dreaming—using it as a personal diary, a place to come and dump all my thoughts and worries without actually sitting with them. And I don’t think that’s always a bad thing. You all have helped me so much since I got on here, and in this past year especially, and I think there’s real usefulness in anonymous communities. I mean, it works for alcoholics and people addicted to drugs right? And that’s basically what therapy is too, telling someone all your deepest, darkest secrets without the consequence of them being a person in your real life who might judge you. But all those things also encourage you to take what you learn into the real world, which is something this community has encouraged me to do and I just … I haven’t been listening.

Because of the anonymity of this place, I’ve been pretending like I can say and do anything and there’s no consequence. But there has been a consequence in that I’m not saying any of this stuff to the people who need to hear it. So I’m going to try to change.