“I don’t see anyone trying anything else!” I shouted back, now that he’d broken the seal on the volume of our voices. “I had to try,” I said again, and Aaron furiously shook his head.

“No, you—you wanted to do something reckless,” he said. “The dreamworld has become too predictable for you, too boring, and you wanted to mix it up—”

“Oh come on, that’s not fair—”

“It’s completely fair!” he yelled. “That’s all you’ve been doing the past six months. Just reckless thing after reckless thing—”

“I just—I wanted to be an active participant in my life!” I shouted, words Dr. Bright had said to me coming out of my mouth in an unconvincing parrot. “Isn’t that what you all wanted? Isn’t that what you and Mom and Dad have been pushing me to do for months?”

“Rose, you really think this is the best way to do that?” Aaron shouted back, his face lined with pain that made him look ten years older. “We meant—we meant for you to spend more time with Emily, bring her over for Shabbat, spend more time with us—”

“Because you’ve so clearly relished time with your little sister,” I spat. “You know, I don’t think it counts as really wanting quality time if you only want it when I’m in crisis.”

“That’s not fair.” He took a step back, shaking his head.

“Oh, it isn’t?” I continued, unable to stop the words pouring from my mouth, even though I could feel their sharp edges as they rose up my throat. “Sorry, could you remind me of all the times when you asked me to hang out because you wanted to spend time with me? When we really connected outside your dreams?”

“What are you—” He blinked. “I’ve tried, Rosie, but for the past few months—since the beginning of this year—you’ve just kept pushing me away! I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you in high school. I’m sorry I was caught up in my own stupid bullshit all the time, but I’m trying now, and that has to be good for something.”

“What exactly are you trying to do?” I asked. I wasn’t trying to hurt him, to argue, I genuinely wanted to know, but I don’t think I had any control over how my voice was rising and crashing against him and I saw him flinch.

“I’m trying to be your brother, Rosie.” He sighed, his shoulders collapsing.