‘A problem? What problem, I don’t have a problem,’ I say, defensively. Can she somehow see my search history? Jesus, I only went dogging once, and that was an accident. I’m only googling it to see what it was called.

‘You must miss Tommy and Michael so much, the timing of this wedding is very unfair on you. I really admire you for keeping going. You’re an inspiration to me, you know.’

‘An inspiration?’ I ask. I wonder how inspiring she would find me if I told her I am fantasising about cheating on my husband. How I am so tired that I can’t remember if I gave my son a middle name or not. And how all I can think about is that man’s bottom smacking into that woman from behind. But sure, a total inspiration.

‘You need to consider more self-care,’ Risky says, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows. ‘I’ll look on Groupon and see if I can get you a good spa deal, OK? You’re so frantic. Have you thought about meditating?’

‘No, I haven’t.’

‘OK, well maybe you should download these apps.’ She slips me a Post-it note with the words ‘Time for Me’ and ‘Get Away with Yourself’ written on there. She obviously had them written down for some time and was waiting for an opportunity to give them to me.

‘You need a better work–life balance,’ she says. ‘If women are going to have it all, they’re going to have to take better care of themselves.’

‘You know what? Maybe I will go home today,’ I say. I should try to make things better with Michael. We have a baby. We can’t fall apart.

‘I think you should. I’ll call if I need you but I’ve got this.’

‘Oh but Gavin’s brother is coming in later to get the cake toppers. Apparently, he lives nearby so can whip in.’

‘Boss, I think I can handle giving him the cake toppers. Honestly, take a day, I’ll be fine,’ Risky says. And I know she is capable.

‘OK, thank you,’ I say, packing up my computer and putting it in my bag. ‘I’m very lucky to have you,’ I tell her, because I am. She is a lovely assistant. A true romantic, and an actual nice person. Apart from the anal, which makes me wonder if she has a dark side. Or do sweet people do anal too? All I know is I’d take it up the nose if someone was offering it to me right now.

‘I’m lucky to have you too,’ she says. ‘Now come on, go be a mum for an afternoon, you deserve it.’

Ruby