Still from behind the tree, I watch the couple as they continue to fuck like two animals in the wild. I am close enough to see the flesh on his buttocks shake as he slams into her thighs. Close enough to see her erect nipple in between his fingers as he rubs her breasts with his hands. Close enough to see the hairs in his hands as he pulls her ponytail. Close enough to see the fluff on her vagina as he pulls out, turns her around, goes down on her until she comes and then masturbates himself until he ejaculates all over her chest.

It’s filthy. So real. Two normal people having genuine hot sex. The greatest porn. It’s not very often you catch anything like this, and to see it in the flesh … I’m so turned on I barely know what to do with myself.

They get back into their car, where they put just their tops on and drive away. This is when I realise I am not the only one watching. I see a couple walk away from behind another bush, and a man whose face I don’t see. It’s weirdly unthreatening. It doesn’t feel as strange as it should.

I am extremely aroused. Is that wrong? I think it is. Michael would not like this. But I did. I liked it a lot.

I hurry home, I need to put this sexual energy where it belongs. Because that will make the fact that I enjoyed it OK.

Ruby

As I edge into the kitchen, Bonnie is standing right over the bucket, looking into it. She’s smiling. When she sees me, she points at it.

‘A mouse!’ she exclaims with total joy. Her bravery is astounding.

‘Bonnie, away from the bucket,’ I say, backing into the wall, scaling the perimeter of the kitchen in slow motion. In my heart of hearts I didn’t think my trap would work, I just needed to feel that I was doing something. But it caught the bloody thing in less than a day. Now I suppose I have to deal with it.

‘It’s cute,’ Bonnie says. Highlighting that cavernous gap between our characters. She reaches her hand towards it.

‘NO, Bonnie, don’t touch it,’ I scream, terrifying her again. ‘Bonnie. Mice might be sweet, but they are dirty. And it might bite you, OK? You have to be careful.’

She seems to understand and retracts her hand, she even takes a little step back, which is a huge relief to me. If the mouse jumped out and landed on her, I’m not sure I would be able to protect her. I’d probably run outside and leave her to deal with it herself. I hate them so much. Oh my God, when I see it, I nearly vomit from fear. Its long tail is disgusting, its little body and teeth, its pink eyes.