I thought about the mouse all night. I was certain it would crawl on me in my sleep. Have babies on my pillow, or nibble at my toes. I really shouldn’t have googled, ‘What is the worst thing that can happen when you have a mouse in your house?’ The results were on a par with going camping and watching The Blair Witch Project on your way there. I am jittery to say the least.

I carefully moved the suitcases, box files and shoe boxes so that I can enter the kitchen. I am wearing tight black leggings with my boots and a tight black polo neck. I don’t usually wear tight clothes at this stage in the cycle as the hair pokes through the fabric, which is the single most disgusting thing I can imagine, other than a mouse getting stuck in my skirt or sleeve. Which is why I am basically wearing a cat suit. No entry points into my outfit. A mouse touching me is my worst fear.

I edge cautiously into the kitchen. There is no sign of the mouse. I pop some bread in the toaster. What happens next is the single most traumatic experience of my entire life.

The mouse leaps out of the toaster. Like a bouncy ball on the way back up it flies into the air then lands with a splat on the kitchen floor. I scream as if a murderer wielding a machete has just jumped out of my toaster, and climb back onto a chair. My heart is racing, and my breath almost impossible to catch. I watch as the mouse lies deathly still on the floor. I wonder if it’s dead. It is probably wondering the same thing. Then it gathers itself and darts towards its usual escape route. It runs at it over and over again, headbutting it, desperate to break through the steel wool but it can’t get through it, no matter how hard it tries. It bolts around the perimeter of the room then disappears up and underneath the drawer in which I keep all of my plates.

I realise Bonnie is standing at the entrance to the kitchen. She gives me such a start that I scream at her face. Of course, this sends her running off and balling as she climbs the stairs.

‘Bonnie,’ I call after her. ‘Bonnie, I’m sorry.’ But she is in her room and it’s probably best she stays there for a minute. This mouse means business.