‘Three and a half.’ Is she serious, she thinks I am here to make friends?

‘Do you think you’ll have another one?’

‘No,’ I say, sharply. Why do women always presume that other women want to talk? And why, when you only have one kid, do people always ask if you want more? As if having one isn’t enough, that having siblings would be better for them. As an only child, I resent this question, as the subtext is that I myself missed out on something and that I am damaged as a consequence.

‘She’s such a good girl, what’s her name?’

‘Bonnie,’ I reply, as monotone as I can. Not wanting to invite more chat. Maron stirs the wax, and loads it onto a wooden spatula. ‘It’s a little hot, give me just a second.’ She says, dragging out my misery. ‘That’s such a pretty name.’

I regret it more and more every time someone says that.

‘You’re lucky,’ she says. Which makes me want to stick a wax strip on her face, yank it off, and see how lucky she feels.

‘Lucky?’ I ask. Fascinated by whatever stupid logic she has for such a statement.

‘Yes. You’re lucky. My cousin has this condition too. She’s how I got into waxing. I used to get rid of her hair for her in school. I got pretty good at it quite quickly. She’s married now and can’t get pregnant. And look at you with your beautiful daughter. You’re lucky.’

‘Sounds like she dodged a bullet,’ I say, turning away.

Maron doesn’t have a comeback for that. She takes a few moments to think of another deeply personal question. I don’t know why beauty therapists, hairdressers, dentists or anyone at all who is being paid to do a service think that women come to these appointments to have their lives interrogated. It drives me mad.

‘So how was the birth? I looove talking about birth,’ she says excitedly.

‘Why, have you done it?’

‘No, but I can’t wait to.’

I sometimes find the best way to end a conversation is to say something unpleasant.

‘Birth was awful. The worst experience of my life, and that’s saying something.’ I hope that will shut her up, but if there is one thing I have learned about Maron in the few moments I have known her, she doesn’t shut up.

‘Oh no, why?’

‘Really? You want to know?’

‘Yes, I think it’s important to hear all birth stories, it’s research. If I know all eventualities then I won’t be scared if they happen, right?’

‘OK, well I’d been hoping to have her naturally.’

‘Wow, good for you.’

‘Yeah, well I’m terrified of medical intervention, so I didn’t think I had much choice.’