Over breakfast (cereal and mango) the kids had a fight with their spoons. It started off fun, but soon turned violent. I told them they mustn’t fight, then they threw their spoons across the room and, for a moment there, I considered getting Lilu’s sick out of the bin, rubbing their spoons in it, then giving them back to them. (Lilu is the mad Siamese cat who has lived with me for sixteen years – more on her later.) I managed to restrain myself. But I did tell them that if they did it again, I would give them both chickenpox. That shut them up. (They are immunised, I’m not THAT cruel. Also I said it in a jokey voice.) OK, OK, I feel bad.

When I had fed them, and released them from the table, I fried a couple more eggs, one for Chris and one for me. Valentine came over and demanded to eat some of mine. I gave it to him, because I felt guilty about the chickenpox. He ate it, then spat it out into my hand.

Who the actual hell are these people?

I FaceTimed my dad, which was lovely. I usually go weeks without speaking to him. It’s a terrible habit I have fallen into, and one that I always want to correct. This week, we have spoken every day. I really do believe that this will bring the love out in a lot of people. I realise the opposite is also true, but it’s making me want to connect more with the people I love. I am trying hard to do that.

I wore bunchies in my hair today, adding an element of cuteness to my ageing look. I have enjoyed it immensely and will be experimenting with new hairstyles as the days plod on. I was due a haircut before all this happened and am weeks away from no longer having a bob. Isn’t that just so exciting for us all? I’ll keep you posted every step of the way.

I did a strong eye, despite the order not to leave the house. I also wore a top with sparkles on it. No one can tell me I don’t bring the party to isolation.

By 2.22 in the afternoon I was longing for a drink but was determined to get to at least 3 p.m. But then my sister FaceTimed me from the UK; she was really drunk and talking absolute nonsense about God knows what. She was quite shouty, and when I put her on the phone to Art she sounded like a mad aunty in a comedy movie, so I told Art to go play while I listened to her rabbit on about some planting she’d done that day. What was nice about her call was that it made my need to drink feel more appropriate. Sometimes the eight-hour time difference can be very useful.