I am unnecessarily defensive about childcare. This is because I live in Hollywood and am married to an actor. The media has painted a certain picture of parenting when you are in that situation. Multiple nannies, PAs and housekeepers. In many cases, this is entirely accurate. But not in ours. Before I start, I shall acknowledge the help that we have had.

When Art was five months old, we found Mary. Mary Moo, as I called her, was like an angel from above. A few years younger than me, a glorious mix of Ethiopian and Canadian, loving, fun, a great cook, a great teacher and an absolute breeze to have around. Mary worked full-time for us (average day: nine to five, Monday to Friday). It was like I had a sister-wife; we were both passionate about food and books and all sorts of other lovely things. She was brilliant in a crisis; if she was babysitting at night and one of the kids was sick in their beds, by the time Chris and I got home everything would be washed and the child would be wrapped up on the sofa with a bowl on their lap, somehow smiling, not even asking for us, because Mary was as good as it gets.

When Art was around eighteen months, he started going to a little day care close to our house, and Mary went to work for a friend of mine. A few years later, when I’d had Valentine, she came back to us and we did almost the same thing all over again. Although Valentine, being the second child, started at day care a little earlier. Because, ya know, second child vibes.

Last year Mary moved back to Canada to have a baby of her own. She’d been working for another family here for a year previous to that, and picking our kids up from school on Tuesdays and Thursdays then working through so Chris and I could go out for dinner. But she was still in our lives and the kids adored her so much, as did we. Finding someone to replace Mary has been hard, and I do wonder if it could ever feel the same. Luckily (when the bloody schools are open) we don’t need a full-time person, so it’s all about finding the perfect regular babysitters now (of which we’ve always had some lovely ones). I’m so grateful that we had that experience with her though; those baby years are hard work, especially when both parents are working and you don’t have any family close by. To have someone you know your kids love in that way, makes everything a lot easier. And the way she loved them, urgh, it kills me that she left. There have also, of course, been other sitters and part-time help over the years, many of whom we love deeply. But Mary Moo, she was our Number One.