Lauren: I don’t know what to say. Thank you so much!

Ruby: You’re welcome Lauren. I hope it makes things better for you. Night ladies x

Just as I am getting into bed, a text comes through from my mother.

I’m going to hang myself with your old scarf.

I can’t be sure which scarf she is referring to, but my mother’s texts have recently become much more specific. Usually there is a generic threat of death, now she is naming objects. Yesterday she insisted she was in the process of taking pills. The day before she was going to jump off a cliff holding her cats. This is unusual, and the frequency of the messages is increasing, giving me more cause for concern than ever before. Her suicide threats were always sporadic and bland, they are now regular and detailed. Does that mean she is getting closer to it?

I’ve often wished she would hurry up. Turns out I am not that relaxed about it.

I text Liam rather than call, as I know there would be a lot of questions.

Can I have Bonnie this weekend? I want to go and visit my mother.

Wow, I mean, yes obviously. Are you sure?

I’m sure. Thank you.

Call me if you need me. Or you want me to come?

I took a while to ponder that. I do want him to come, I think it would be really good for Bonnie. Especially if Mum is in a truly bad way.

No thanks, I reply, regardless. This is something I have to do on my own.

Beth

‘Cheers,’ I say, holding up my champagne. ‘Well done, Risky. You did a brilliant job on this wedding, even if it didn’t end in a marriage.’

‘Cheers,’ she says, raising her glass to mine. I have brought her to a fancy wine bar to celebrate the end of the job. ‘Yeah, we did well. It’s a shame no one got to try the cake, but hey-ho, we know it was good.’

‘Oh, I never told you? I took two tiers of the cake home with me and hid them in a drawer in my bedroom. I ate them while I breast fed Tommy, Michael had no idea,’ I say, feeling smug.

‘Ha-ha, good one, boss,’ she says, as if I am joking and that would be crazy. Maybe it was.

‘Anyway, the catering staff ate well that day,’ I say. ‘A few guests stuck around and partied like the wedding was going ahead. I suppose they may as well have, everything was paid for.’

‘God, what a massive waste of money,’ Risky says, shaking her head. ‘To think people are out there starving. Weddings are so stupid.’

‘I’ll drink to that.’