I asked her what it was, but she wouldn’t say. I agreed, of course, and she is due to arrive any minute. Risky and I have been speculating as to what it might be.

‘Maybe she wants us to go and clear out her closets at their house?’ Risky suggested, but why would she ask us that? I thought maybe she wanted us to draft a quote for the press. But she really wouldn’t need to come and ‘get us’ for that. Risky’s final idea is that she wants us to all go away for a spa break together. I warned her not to get too excited about that idea.

When Lauren comes into the office, she is accompanied by the woman who saved Lauren from her suicide attempt, whose name, I now learn, is Ruby. She’s quite an intimidating looking person. Very thin, and of course I know what lies beneath her clothes.

Tommy is asleep in his bouncer. Lauren coos over him for a minute or two, before getting to business.

‘We’ve had an idea,’ she says, taking a seat. ‘It will involve absolute confidentiality from you. No NDAs, just a promise. If we do this, only the four of us can ever know it happened, OK?’

Oh shit, she wants us to help her murder Gavin?

Risky just keeps nodding. She is Team Lauren all the way, and happy to throw herself into the ring, but I demand to know a little bit more. Ruby helps Lauren explain.

‘Lauren tells me that you both saw Gavin and Mayra … at it?’

We both confirm that we did. This is such a weird conversation.

‘Right, how vividly do you remember it?’ she asks.

‘Like it is right in front of me now,’ Risky says.

‘Yup, me too. Kind of hard to forget,’ I add.

Lauren looks pleased. Which is strange when you think we are talking about seeing her fiancé have sex with her mother.

‘OK,’ continues Ruby. ‘We’re going to create a photograph of exactly what you saw, using photos that Rebecca took of Mayra and Gavin.’

‘FUCK A DUCK!’ Risky screeches, air punching and jumping for joy. ‘Shit, sorry,’ she says, referring to potentially waking Tommy up. Luckily she didn’t. ‘Brilliant. Yes, yes I’m in,’ she yelps, like her favourite team just scored. Maybe they did. I take the more professional route.

‘Isn’t that illegal?’ I ask gently, not wanting to be a party pooper.

‘Yes, but also it did happen, right?’ Lauren asks, looking at us and possibly thinking, Shit, imagine if they just made this whole thing up.

‘It absolutely happened,’ I tell her.

‘Right then, how would Mayra or Gavin know that you didn’t take a photo? You could have, couldn’t you?’

‘Yup, they had no idea we were there,’ Risky says. I’m not going to win if I try to get out of this, I can tell that already.