Liam is here as he’s agreed to take Bonnie for the afternoon. Maria is insisting on just two hours a day at the nursery, just until she starts to settle, and I simply cannot keep her home any longer to watch TV while I work. I might not be the one getting married on Saturday, but it is a huge event and I can’t bear the idea of being surrounded by beautiful people whilst feeling so grotesque myself. I have made yet another wax appointment. Who knows how it will go this time!

I told Liam the nursery is insisting on a long induction process. He has no reason to question me further and isn’t suspicious as to why we can’t do full days. I have never lied about our child’s welfare before, so he fully trusts me. I have warned him that Bonnie misses her friends, which is why she keeps complaining. I realise I need to find somewhere else, and I am also working on that. I can’t do any of the things I need to do with Bonnie home, hence him taking some time off work to help. He’s very generous like that. Never complaining about being with Bonnie. I’ve only recently realised the amount of effort it must be for him to have her every weekend. That doesn’t leave much time for him to have for himself. Or to find a new relationship. He’s never mentioned anyone else, and neither has Bonnie. I can only hope and presume that there isn’t anyone. Which is good. I’m not ready for that.

‘So what are your plans?’ I ask him, as I finish putting Bonnie’s shoes on and zip up her jacket. I’m still quite upset about what he said the other day, but I am trying not to show it because what is making me most upset is that I think he is right and I’m not sure what to do about it.

‘We’ll go get some food. Then head to the park. Or we could go to Pret and get a picnic. Shall we go feed the ducks, Bon Bon?’

‘Yeeeaaaaah,’ she says, sounding so joyful and cute that both of us smile.

‘OK, well be good. Home for six please, and no sweets. I don’t want to be dealing with a sugar rush tonight, I’ll work after I’ve put her down so I need bedtime to go well.’

I don’t know why I say this, because actually I have finished all the work that Rebecca sent through. I got it all done early, so I could go for this wax.

‘So you’re very busy then?’ he asks me, lingering a little longer than usual.