We pay at a reception desk. It’s very cheap. I have to fill in a form – Risky has been before so doesn’t need to. It asks if I am breast feeding or pregnant and Risky urges me to lie.

‘It’s just a hygiene thing,’ she says. ‘Just get out if you start lactating in the hot tub.’

‘Oh, I probably won’t go in it anyway, I don’t have my swimsuit,’ I tell her.

‘Swimsuit? Boss, this is a Korean spa, you have to be naked. That’s the point.’

‘What?’ I ask as she hands my form back into reception. ‘Naked? Are there men in there?’

‘No, just women. Come on, you’ll love it.’

I stand still. I don’t want to get naked with other women. I don’t want to get naked with Risky. I don’t want to. I just don’t.

‘Boss, come on. You need this,’ she says, making a scene. The two Korean ladies behind reception are looking at me like I am pathetic. Now I do want to emotionally pee on the floor.

‘Can I wear a towel?’ I ask Risky, following her reluctantly.

‘Not in the water!’

In the changing rooms, I am first struck by the absolute lack of luxury, relaxing vibes or glamour. In each locker there is a thin cotton robe and some rubber slippers. The lighting is stark. Risky strips immediately like she is running down a beach towards the sea and can’t pause or she’ll chicken out. She throws her clothes into the locker and, just like that, my assistant is naked in front of me. Her young, tight body, unharmed by slow metabolism or childbirth. Small breasts sitting perfectly on her chest, nipples so dark they look like raisins. A vagina like a Jackson 5 hairdo. Up the sides of her body, stretch marks run like snail trails across her hips. She isn’t perfect, but she is utterly beautiful.

‘OK, your turn,’ she says, hands on hips, her legs slightly apart. ‘Boss, you have to stop staring at my vagina or I’ll have to file a sexual misconduct case against you.’

‘God, I’m so sorry,’ I say, shaking my face and pulling myself together as I begin to undress. First my maternity jeans, then my shirt. I fold them neatly, putting them into my locker. My heart is thumping at the thought of removing my underwear.

‘Boss, seriously. We have a wedding in two days. As much as I want you to relax we can’t be here all day.’