I have her looking as perfect as she asked me to, and I must admit, I’ve quite enjoyed working on her. She has probably never even heard my name, but I play a vital role in her life. Her selfies on Instagram are so staged. The angle she chooses is the edit, really. Not like the shots for a magazine, or the professional pictures that will be taken at the wedding – she needs me for those. I am like her partner in crime, a silent investor keeping her business afloat. I am quite enjoying that power.

I wonder if she is excited for her wedding or dreading it the way that I was dreading mine. I didn’t want all the attention, I didn’t want such a big event. I knew something would go wrong, I knew it and felt so foolish when it did. I haven’t been as foolish since. The only way to get really hurt is to let people get close to you. I won’t make that mistake again.

I open the file on my computer called ‘MENSTRUAL DIARY’. In the file, there are also some of my wedding photos; I printed out the only ones I remotely liked. The ones showing us exchanging vows are nice. I look happy, actually very happy. And I was. I thought I’d found the love of my life. Someone I could give as much of myself to as I would ever be willing to give. There are pictures of us holding hands at the drinks reception. I am smiling in most of them. The camera has caught multiple shots of Liam just staring at me. I do believe he loved me. Just not enough that he’d risk breaking our code of trust.

I open one of the images in Photoshop. It’s of me, standing next to Liam. We are looking into the middle distance. I don’t remember if we were posing, or if there was actually something grabbing our attention. Liam looks so handsome in it. He’s taller than me, which I liked. He has a slim frame, a nice face with a thick black beard and black hair all around an inch or so long. He has dimples that only a select few know are there, as he doesn’t shave very often. We don’t really look like a couple. Or maybe now I just can’t imagine myself in the relationship we had.

Liam was a gentle person. Friendly, sociable. His friends never really took to me. I’m sure I took him away from a more fun life while we were together. He didn’t seem to mind, I never stopped him going out when he wanted to. We used to have long dinners that involved hours and hours of conversation. I thought a relationship based on a genuine interest in each other was really wonderful.