‘Sorry. Not cool,’ he says to me as he goes to leave. But not before turning back and winking at Risky one last time. Absolutely none of this makes any sense.

‘Would you like a cup of tea?’

‘No,’ I snap.

Risky has been doing her best to be a good employee this afternoon, but I can’t even look at her. I saw Gavin’s brother’s penis come out of her. I saw it glistening as he pulled up his trousers. Yesterday, she was my sweet, romantic, slightly ditsy assistant. Sure, with a penchant for anal but I never thought she was the type to shag a client’s brother on my desk. What the hell was she thinking?

And yet, I get it.

‘Beth, please let me explain,’ she says, desperately. ‘I really love this job and I …’

‘Oh, I know you do,’ I say, like a teacher. ‘You love it so much you rubbed your vagina all over the contracts.’ I pick up a piece of paper from my desk with two fingers, like it is laced with something dangerous.

I’m acting like I’m really annoyed. In a way, I am. She is in breach of contract, I could sack her. But mostly, I am jealous as hell. I want to ask her how it felt. It looked so good. Her face, lost in pleasure. His penis, lost in her. Both of them so beautiful, the sex so lustful. A part of me wishes I’d been quiet, just watched and captured a memory for myself like in the park. But this time with beautiful people, actually worth wanking over.

But I am her boss, it is my job to be annoyed.

Also, I cannot involve my assistant in my fantasies. That simply is not OK.

‘Are you going to fire me?’ she asks, fearfully. I wait a few beats to answer, to keep my authority established.

‘It’s lucky for you that this wedding is coming up. I can’t do without you right now. Let’s get the job done, and the job done well, and then I will have a look at how we move forward. OK?’

‘OK.’ She turns and walks back to her desk with her head slightly drooped. An email pops up a few seconds later.

I am really sorry, boss. It’s just that I’ve been feeling so insecure about this guy I’m seeing, and how he just wants anal. My vagina needed some love too, you know?

Oh, I know very well what it feels like when your vagina needs love, but I can’t tell her that. We sit in silence as she waits for a response. I leave it as long as I can.