– It’s like at a rave we create a kind ay environment, and it isnae just the E – although it’s maistly the E – that encourages that kind ay feelin. It’s the whole vibe. But it doesnae transfer that well tae the ootside world. Oot thair, these cunts have created a different environment and that kind ay environment lends itself mair tae the swedge rush.

– Thing is but, ye could still find love, real love, in the club environment. It just helps people tae get thegither, tae open up mair and lose thir inhibitions. Nowt wrong wi that.

– Ah bit listen tae this. Sometimes the whole thing plays tricks oan ye. When yir eckied, every bird looks a fuckin doll. Ye want tae try the acid test: go oot wi her trippin the next day. See what she looks like then! Ah remember one night at Yip Yap ah pills this wee bird. Fuckin tidy n aw, ah’m telling ye, man. So the emotions are sizzlin away and bein a romantic type ay cunt ah suggests a wee walk up Arthur’s Seat tae watch the sun comin up, eh no?

– Bein E’d up oot yir face, ye mean.

– That’s exactly the fuckin point but! If ah wis jist left tae ma ain devices ah wid huv said somethin like: fancy comin back tae ma place, ken? Bit naw, cause ah wis eckied ah acted in a different wey fae usual. Mind you, the thing is that now ah’m eywis eckied so that’s become the fuckin normal wey ah do act! But anywey, what wis ah sayin?

– The bird, Arthur’s Seat, ah reminds him.

– Aye, right … well, this bird thinks, cause she’s E’d in aw, she’s thinkin tae herself: this is a romantic cunt. So wir up oan Arthur’s Seat and ah looks at her in the eye and says: ah really want tae make love tae ye now. She’s up for it, so it’s oaf wi the fuckin gear n we starts gaun for it, cowpin away, looking doon oan the city, fuckin great it wis. Thing is, about ten minutes intae it, ah started tae fell like shite. Ah goat aw that creepy, tense, sick wey; the comedoon’s diggin in good style. They wir funny cunts fir that, they flatliners. Anyhow, aw ah wanted tae dae was tae blaw ma muck and git the fuck oot ay thair. That’s what ah did, eh. The bird wisnae pleased, but there ye go, needs must. So ye have tae watch oot before ye call it love. It’s just another form ay entertainment. See if the feelings transfer tae yir everyday life, then call it love. Love’s no jist for weekenders.

– The thing is, Nukes, ah’m changin the keks everyday and cleanin under the helmet.