Ah clocked that Vaughan had been at the decorating but ah didnae say anything. The hoose was furnished in tasteless Habitat country-style, ridiculous in a suburban semi. That was Vaughan and Fiona. Ah love them in a strange way – a tense, dutiful love – but you cannae say nowt tae cunts like that about taste. It just isnae an issue with them. It comes oot the page ay a catalogue.

Ah asked Fiona if ah could use the phone and she took the hint and took Grace out into the gairdin. Ah called Nukes. – What’s the story? ah asked him.

– That’s me finished wi the cashies and the collies. Ah’m a marked man now, Lloyd. Polis doon here the other night accusin ays ay sorts ay things, man. Well oot ay order.

– Ye git charged?

– Naw, but it shit ays up. Some ay the boys say no tae worry, but fuck that, man. Ah’m daein a bit ah dealin and that could be three fuckin years oot ma life jist for a bit ay swedgin at the fitba.

– Ah wis gaunnae ask if you could punt some stuff fir ays n aw …

– No way. Low profile for a while, that’s me.

– Awright then. Come doon fir a blow next week but, eh.

– Awright.

– Cheers, Nukes … eh, ye mind ay what happened the other night? Did we git intae some bother?

– Ye dinnae want tae ken, Lloyd.

– Nukes …

The line clicked dead.

That was me para as fuck, but no as para as Nukes. Something was bugging the cunt bigtime. Ah knew that Nukes wasnae so intae the casuals these days, but he still got it together for the odd big swedge. Ah could never understand the attraction, but he swore by the rush. If he’s kent by the polis, though, that’s bad news; when you’re holding just a few drugs for you and your mates, they call you a dealer. He was being sensible, n ah resolved that ah was going tae try tae take it easy n aw for a bit.

– Like the new colour? Fiona asks.

Grace climbed up on me and tried to push my eyeball out of its socket. Ah removed her hand before she could go for my other eye, the one that was bruised. – Aye, it’s sound. Very relaxing. Ah wis jist gaunnae say, ah lied. – Ye must have been keepin Vaughan busy, eh, no? Where is eh?

Grace climbed down and ran over to Fiona and wrapped herself around her leg.

– Three guesses, Fiona smiled in the kind of way that changed her from being a young housewife into a shag.

– The boolin? ah asked.

– Right first time, she nodded wearily. – He said to tell you to meet him doon thair for a pint. The dinner’ll no be ready till five.