– She’s deluding herself, ah told that to her, she said, sucking on a fag and contorting her face in a mask of hateful contempt. – You’re fuckin well livin in a fool’s paradise, hen, ah said tae her, Lloyd. But she widnae listen. Now she’s getting it aw back. And who’s the first one she comes runnin tae?

– Right … right … ah nodded as empathetically as ah could, loading my food from the shopping bag into the cupboard and fridge.

– She misses fuckin periods aw the time and goes through this ‘I’m up the stick’ shite. Ah felt like saying to her: you cannae get up the stick when he’s shagging you up the arse, but ah didnae. Ah felt like saying tae her: the reason you always miss periods is because you’re fucked up in the heid, hen; your life’s a mess and if you’re that fucked in the heid it’s bound tae tell on yir body.

– Ah see, ah see … her and Bobby again …

The Victim’s current principal exploiter was a crazy biker guy called Bobby who ah’d known for years. Bobby had a split personality. One side of him was pure evil, the other completely cuntish.

– But ah bit ma tongue. Thing is, Lloyd, he came roond and started playin mind games wi her. Solo wis just fuckin laughin, so we had tae get oot. We just want tae sit here and chill for a bit until that bastard Bobby goes.

– Look, that’s sound by me, but ye’ll huv tae dae it alaine, eh. Ah’m meetin this boy whaes supposed tae have some ay they pink champagnes, the speedballs, ken?

– Git me five … naw, six … she rasped, rummaging through her bag for her purse.

– That’s if ehs goat thum likes, ah said, taking her money. Ah wasnae gaunnae try and score, ah was just going to my brother’s for a scran. It wasnae just because it didnae sound cool enough tae tell The Poisonous Cunt that; it was because she was a nasty, nosey bastard and ah didnae want her kennin too much aboot ays.

Ah left them to it, clocking The Victim’s arse in her black stretch leggings before ah left, both strangely pleased and disappointed no tae feel any reaction whatsoever.

AH TOOK THE bus at the fit ay the Walk tae ma brother Vaughan’s. Ah was a bit late. When ah got there, ah had to ring for ages. Vaughan was out and Fiona, my sister-in-law, was in the back playing with my niece, Grace, who was two and a bit of nutter, like two year aulds are.

– Lloyd! ah thought it was you. Come in, come in.