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Back One White Lie Save as PDF
Chapters (59)
  1. COVER
  2. About the Author
  3. DEDICATION
  4. ONE
  5. TWO
  6. THREE
  7. FOUR
  8. FIVE
  9. SIX
  10. SEVEN
  11. EIGHT
  12. NINE
  13. TEN
  14. ELEVEN
  15. TWELVE
  16. THIRTEEN
  17. FOURTEEN
  18. FIFTEEN
  19. SIXTEEN
  20. SEVENTEEN
  21. EIGHTEEN
  22. NINETEEN
  23. TWENTY
  24. TWENTY-ONE
  25. TWENTY-TWO
  26. TWENTY-THREE
  27. TWENTY-FOUR
  28. TWENTY-FIVE
  29. TWENTY-SIX
  30. TWENTY-SEVEN
  31. TWENTY-EIGHT
  32. TWENTY-NINE
  33. THIRTY
  34. THIRTY-ONE
  35. THIRTY-TWO
  36. THIRTY-THREE
  37. THIRTY-FOUR
  38. THIRTY-FIVE
  39. THIRTY-SIX
  40. THIRTY-SEVEN
  41. THIRTY-EIGHT
  42. THIRTY-NINE
  43. FORTY
  44. FORTY-ONE
  45. FORTY-TWO
  46. FORTY-THREE
  47. FORTY-FOUR
  48. FORTY-FIVE
  49. FORTY-SIX
  50. FORTY-SEVEN
  51. FORTY-EIGHT
  52. FORTY-NINE
  53. FIFTY
  54. FIFTY-ONE
  55. FIFTY-TWO
  56. FIFTY-THREE
  57. FIFTY-FOUR
  58. Acknowledgments
  59. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

‘My dad found out,’ Claire went on. ‘I don’t know if he snooped on me or if he followed us or what, but he went nuts. He said this was proof, that he had never trusted John, had always been against the classes, and it … it all just kind of unraveled from there. It’s not that I didn’t deny it to my dad – I did. We fought about it all the time, especially after he started talking about a lawsuit, but he kept demanding that I prove it wasn’t true. And it was just so humiliating to tell my dad it had been some random guy, some guy who hadn’t even called. I thought if I kept saying it wasn’t John, they’d eventually believe me. I kept telling myself it was none of their business, and I still don’t think it was, but if I could have told everyone the truth – point-blank – then maybe my dad wouldn’t have done what he did, and maybe Vera wouldn’t have been so mad at John.’ Her words choked in her throat. ‘Maybe John would still be alive … maybe she wouldn’t have attacked you. God, maybe she’d be alive, too.’

Another tear slipped down her cheek, black with mascara and eyeliner, forming a squiggly line that seemed to split her face in two.

She was right. If she had only been able to tell everyone the truth, none of this would have happened. But how could I expect that of a child? Someone who surely knew what sort of slut-shaming would await her if she did? We were virgins or whores, the world so ready to put us into boxes, to decide what kind of girls or women we were. I knew this well. Now she did, too.

My eyes caught hers, and it was so strong, the desire to save her – from this anger, this rage, this hate, from all the things that destroyed us, turned us into monsters, salivating for vengeance.

‘Claire,’ I said, forcing a bit of calm into my voice, speaking to her like my mother had spoken to me, early on, when my anger sometimes got the best of me. ‘Claire, this isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault.’

She looked down, shaking her head.

‘There’s never a reason for anyone to kill anyone else,’ I said. ‘Vera included. You did nothing wrong. It’s the rest of us – the adults – who didn’t take care of you.’

Claire looked up at me, blinking through tear-soaked lashes. ‘I should have told Vera myself.’

‘No,’ I said. ‘Vera was determined to do what Vera was going to do. You couldn’t have done anything to stop this. Some people are so angry, they have to destroy the people they love.’