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Back One White Lie Save as PDF
Chapters (59)
  1. COVER
  2. About the Author
  3. DEDICATION
  4. ONE
  5. TWO
  6. THREE
  7. FOUR
  8. FIVE
  9. SIX
  10. SEVEN
  11. EIGHT
  12. NINE
  13. TEN
  14. ELEVEN
  15. TWELVE
  16. THIRTEEN
  17. FOURTEEN
  18. FIFTEEN
  19. SIXTEEN
  20. SEVENTEEN
  21. EIGHTEEN
  22. NINETEEN
  23. TWENTY
  24. TWENTY-ONE
  25. TWENTY-TWO
  26. TWENTY-THREE
  27. TWENTY-FOUR
  28. TWENTY-FIVE
  29. TWENTY-SIX
  30. TWENTY-SEVEN
  31. TWENTY-EIGHT
  32. TWENTY-NINE
  33. THIRTY
  34. THIRTY-ONE
  35. THIRTY-TWO
  36. THIRTY-THREE
  37. THIRTY-FOUR
  38. THIRTY-FIVE
  39. THIRTY-SIX
  40. THIRTY-SEVEN
  41. THIRTY-EIGHT
  42. THIRTY-NINE
  43. FORTY
  44. FORTY-ONE
  45. FORTY-TWO
  46. FORTY-THREE
  47. FORTY-FOUR
  48. FORTY-FIVE
  49. FORTY-SIX
  50. FORTY-SEVEN
  51. FORTY-EIGHT
  52. FORTY-NINE
  53. FIFTY
  54. FIFTY-ONE
  55. FIFTY-TWO
  56. FIFTY-THREE
  57. FIFTY-FOUR
  58. Acknowledgments
  59. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

I scanned through his posts: Us at the dog park. Hiking in the Poconos with Ellie, sweat on our foreheads. Sunbathing in South Beach. Laughing at some sort of inside joke. In the beginning, I was always laughing when I was with him. Always. I hovered over the Message button – there was so much I wanted to say.

I won, fucker!

You didn’t think I could, but I did.

I miss you, and I hate myself for it.

I’m scared, terrified.

You’ll never see me or Dusty again.

Are you okay?

On cue, Dusty nuzzled me, staring at me with his big puppy eyes. It’s not worth it, he seemed to say. It’s not worth the risk.

Quickly, I closed the window. It was only seven forty-five now, and the hours before me seemed suddenly endless. I grabbed my notebook and began another list, one of to-dos.

– Figure out money/bank

– Fix phone

– Buy real food

– Get food and treats for Dusty

– Pitch new articles

– Write ones already assigned

I let the pen drop and checked the time on my phone again. Only a couple of minutes had passed. There was a shush of wind outside, and my skin pricked, my downy hairs standing straight up. My eyes flitted to the window – I had that sensation again of being watched – and I peered around the drapes, but there was no one there. I breathed deeply. I was simply being paranoid; after all, being alone wasn’t a skill I’d had to cultivate in Brooklyn. There was always a press party or a dive bar trivia night with Ellie. Before Davis, there’d been the endless barrage of dates. Good and bad, funny and excruciating. OkCupid in the old days and Tinder and Bumble just before Davis had come along. So many ways to fill your time with other humans. Brunch the next day to trade bad-date stories.

And then Davis, a relief from all that. Davis, who stopped the endless loop of profiles and photos, like a stack of résumés for the job of Boyfriend.

I looked at the clock. Not even another minute had passed.

Have a drink wasn’t on the to-do list, but it should be.

Go to dinner with potentially cool new neighbors wasn’t, either.

I headed to the kitchen, poured a finger or so of whiskey, and eyed Dusty, daring him to judge. Then I retrieved the pizza from the fridge and stared at it. Whatever Vera was cooking seemed infinitely more appetizing. Dusty eyed me – not judging, just begging.

Screw it, I thought. I grabbed a piece of crust and tossed it to him. He didn’t usually get people food, but it was okay. Tonight we were both breaking the rules.

Penguin walking logo

FOUR

Watch out for them.