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Back One White Lie Save as PDF
Chapters (59)
  1. COVER
  2. About the Author
  3. DEDICATION
  4. ONE
  5. TWO
  6. THREE
  7. FOUR
  8. FIVE
  9. SIX
  10. SEVEN
  11. EIGHT
  12. NINE
  13. TEN
  14. ELEVEN
  15. TWELVE
  16. THIRTEEN
  17. FOURTEEN
  18. FIFTEEN
  19. SIXTEEN
  20. SEVENTEEN
  21. EIGHTEEN
  22. NINETEEN
  23. TWENTY
  24. TWENTY-ONE
  25. TWENTY-TWO
  26. TWENTY-THREE
  27. TWENTY-FOUR
  28. TWENTY-FIVE
  29. TWENTY-SIX
  30. TWENTY-SEVEN
  31. TWENTY-EIGHT
  32. TWENTY-NINE
  33. THIRTY
  34. THIRTY-ONE
  35. THIRTY-TWO
  36. THIRTY-THREE
  37. THIRTY-FOUR
  38. THIRTY-FIVE
  39. THIRTY-SIX
  40. THIRTY-SEVEN
  41. THIRTY-EIGHT
  42. THIRTY-NINE
  43. FORTY
  44. FORTY-ONE
  45. FORTY-TWO
  46. FORTY-THREE
  47. FORTY-FOUR
  48. FORTY-FIVE
  49. FORTY-SIX
  50. FORTY-SEVEN
  51. FORTY-EIGHT
  52. FORTY-NINE
  53. FIFTY
  54. FIFTY-ONE
  55. FIFTY-TWO
  56. FIFTY-THREE
  57. FIFTY-FOUR
  58. Acknowledgments
  59. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

Sometimes I wished that for one second, we could be honest with each other. Cut through the bullshit and say what we really thought. That I could look at McKnight right now and tell him the man I may have loved was dead, the man I used to love may have killed him, and that it felt like the memory of one and the presence of the other were pressing against me from both sides, like the walls of a cave, squeezing tighter and tighter, and at some point, they’d eventually meet, smashing me into oblivion. Taking away all I’d ever loved. I wished for one second I didn’t have to lie.

‘Okay as it can be,’ I said, forcing myself to speak as calmly as possible. ‘Did you have more questions?’

McKnight smiled, his concern for my well-being such an obvious charade. ‘No more questions for now.’ He flashed a sheet of paper in front of my face. ‘But we do have a warrant to search your place. Just came through. Do we have permission to enter?’

I snatched the paper from his hand. It gave full permission for them to search my residence and car. What were they looking for? Surely they’d have had to tell a judge something to get a warrant …

‘Do I have a choice?’ I managed.

McKnight smiled his awful fake smile again. ‘Not really.’

As I opened the door, I prayed for the sound of Dusty’s paws.

My prayers were answered. He ran immediately into my arms, and I picked him up, holding him close, pressing his tiny body to mine, never wanting to let him go.

McKnight led the way, the rest of them following. A younger female officer shot me a weak smile, but then her eyes darted around the room almost as if she were checking whether McKnight could somehow sense her kindness. Once they were inside, I shut the door, peeking out from behind the drapes to see if I could spot Davis, knowing it was no longer a matter of if, but when.

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TWENTY-NINE

They took over an hour. They looked through my car. They rifled through drawers, searching methodically for anything that could incriminate me. They filled evidence bags with pieces of my life: My laptop. My composition notebook. A book of hikes in the Catskills, pages dog-eared, but not by me.

And the whole time, I sat there, throat parched and stomach cemented.

The whole time I sat there, I wondered when Davis was going to show up.

I knew there was still a chance he hadn’t done it. That it had been Sam Alby – or maybe even someone else. It would make more sense, in a way. Davis had never been to John’s studio, and he’d have had to find it by following John off the trail or discovering it some other way.