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Back One White Lie Save as PDF
Chapters (59)
  1. COVER
  2. About the Author
  3. DEDICATION
  4. ONE
  5. TWO
  6. THREE
  7. FOUR
  8. FIVE
  9. SIX
  10. SEVEN
  11. EIGHT
  12. NINE
  13. TEN
  14. ELEVEN
  15. TWELVE
  16. THIRTEEN
  17. FOURTEEN
  18. FIFTEEN
  19. SIXTEEN
  20. SEVENTEEN
  21. EIGHTEEN
  22. NINETEEN
  23. TWENTY
  24. TWENTY-ONE
  25. TWENTY-TWO
  26. TWENTY-THREE
  27. TWENTY-FOUR
  28. TWENTY-FIVE
  29. TWENTY-SIX
  30. TWENTY-SEVEN
  31. TWENTY-EIGHT
  32. TWENTY-NINE
  33. THIRTY
  34. THIRTY-ONE
  35. THIRTY-TWO
  36. THIRTY-THREE
  37. THIRTY-FOUR
  38. THIRTY-FIVE
  39. THIRTY-SIX
  40. THIRTY-SEVEN
  41. THIRTY-EIGHT
  42. THIRTY-NINE
  43. FORTY
  44. FORTY-ONE
  45. FORTY-TWO
  46. FORTY-THREE
  47. FORTY-FOUR
  48. FORTY-FIVE
  49. FORTY-SIX
  50. FORTY-SEVEN
  51. FORTY-EIGHT
  52. FORTY-NINE
  53. FIFTY
  54. FIFTY-ONE
  55. FIFTY-TWO
  56. FIFTY-THREE
  57. FIFTY-FOUR
  58. Acknowledgments
  59. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

‘Sometimes the smallest, tiniest part of me wants Davis to find me, just so I can see him again. He was the first person who really felt like family since I lost my parents in college. And as much as I hate him, I miss him, too.’

‘That’s so wrong,’ John said. He stared, waiting for a reaction, but my body wanted only to shut down. Then he smiled, a grin that grew slowly, a grin that spelled broken rules.

‘Sometimes,’ he said, ‘we want what we know is wrong.’

Breath caught in my throat. Something had changed. Something big.

John leaned forward, his breath warm, tickling my lips.

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SEVENTEEN

When I woke, I sensed it immediately, the difference.

The bed was warm. It smelled woodsy and aromatic, stale and salty, the distinct tang of male sweat. My eyes landed on Dusty, curled between us, and my first thought was of Davis. It was so natural, something I’d woken up to so many times. Then my mind woke up, too.

John lay, slack-jawed and fast asleep, in my bed.

I was in a bra and underwear and on top of the covers. He was fully clothed.

It hit me, a punch to the stomach, images running through my head like a sick, twisted film.

He’d leaned in, and I hadn’t leaned away. Our lips had found each other’s, hungry, and for a moment it was ecstatic, it was all I’d been wishing for, it was guilt, and I didn’t pull away and he didn’t, either, and then … nothing.

My head pounded and my stomach twisted. It was a kiss. It was only a kiss. Wasn’t it?

I had that awful feeling, the one I’d had that morning in college, when I couldn’t remember exactly what had happened but I knew I’d fucked up.

I’d fucked up bad.

There was no video this time, nothing to splash across every network, nothing to give everyone a reason to either judge me or pity me, but did it even matter? It had happened. I had betrayed her.

Jumping out of bed, I darted to the dresser and tugged at a drawer. I snatched a tank top and shorts. I let myself take him in for a moment, the way his mouth hung open as he slept, how his hair splayed out over my extra pillow … it was something I’d imagined so many times but hadn’t ever wanted to really happen.

‘John,’ I said. ‘John, wake up.’

His eyes cracked open, and it was only then that it sank in. The drapes in the bedroom were wide-open, as if waiting for Vera, or anyone, to come by and see him in my bed.

I ran to the window, wincing at the light streaming in, and pulled them shut, a brutal headache already raging behind my forehead.