‘Yes, I know that, Olive.’

‘We fundamentally want different things. It hurts like hell for me too, but I just don’t see how it can work.’ I can’t look at him now or else my heart and throat will break open and I’ll start crying, so I look down at the floor and focus my gaze on his new shoes again. Nike trainers. Blue laces. They look light and springy; light enough to suddenly run off to somewhere far, far away. From me and this mess.

‘I’ve fucked this up. I’m so sorry.’ I watch him dig his fingernail into his hand, as if he’s trying to hurt himself somewhere to displace the pain.

‘No,’ I soften. ‘You haven’t. And no more than I have. This is just two people having different ideas of how they want their future to look. And if I was going to have kids, J, it one hundred per cent would have been with you.’ I tilt my head back to hold back the tears. ‘It’s all I can think about at the moment. I look at Bea, and now Cec, and try to convince myself that my future could match theirs. But,’ I gulp as a tear slips down my cheek, ‘I just don’t want children. And you do. Minds can be changed on some things, but I don’t think mine can be on this.’

Jacob pauses, looks down, rubs his eyebrow up and down and then looks back up at me.

‘I don’t know what else to say.’ I stare down at my hands.

He pauses for a while and looks around the café before his gaze turns back on me. ‘Maybe you could see someone?’ he says. ‘You know, talk it out?’

‘I don’t need to “see someone”, Jacob! I don’t need therapy just because I don’t want kids!’ I take a big breath. ‘I know it’s a huge deal to you, so I understand it’s hard to get your head around, but your life isn’t worthless or any less valid if you don’t want a family!’ I realize my voice has crept up and that people around us have started to stare. ‘Maybe you need to go and see someone to get your head around that.’

‘OK, OK. I know that, Olive. That’s not what I’m saying.’ Jacob lowers his head.

‘Maybe people who want kids or live for their kids will never get it why I don’t want them,’ I went on. ‘But here are a few reasons: kids would ruin our relationship. Kids are hard work. Kids will destroy my body, and my freedom. Kids will destroy my bank account, and I don’t have any money as it is. The world is overpopulated! The world is a mess!’ I was ready to burst into tears.

‘OK,’ Jacob said hurriedly. ‘I’m sorry. I’m just so sad without you, Ol. Life feels so meaningless without you there.’ His heart was on a plate and I felt bad for losing my temper with him.