I love the freedom that these trips bring me. I feel a sense of purpose – I love the feeling of being needed by the team. I love the impromptu nature of my life – all I need is my laptop and to chuck a pair of pants in a tote bag, and I can work from anywhere; any hotel room or hotel lobby, preferably with G&T in hand. I know that this is the part that could earn me the stereotypical ‘footloose and fancy-free childless friend!’ label, which I suppose is, to some extent, true. Weirdly, though, one of the hardest bits about the break-up with Jacob has been that I have no one to text when the flight lands on work trips. I still go to text him when the wheels of the plane hit the runway, to tell him I’m safe; it’s still a reflex. That’s the strange thing about grief – you often have to remind yourself it happened. Even the little things still bring Jacob to mind; the smell of his aftershave still seems to linger in the bathroom sometimes. I don’t know if I’m fabricating senses from memory, or if I really can smell him. The other day I spotted one of his old sports socks under the bed. The sofa seems so much bigger and lonelier with just me on it. I now sleep in the middle of the bed, instead of the one side I’d slept on for years. The bills and letters are still addressed to us both. The money situation is really starting to worry me now, too – instead of £750 each month for rent, I have to pay the full £1,500 now. I will either have to push for another pay-rise at work or get a housemate soon. I don’t really want someone else in the flat because I love lounging around naked under my dressing gown, ordering takeaways.

Society rewards couples so much. Life is just so much easier in a couple. Cheaper, easier, more logical: take couple-discounted train tickets for example, or splitting bills, or tax benefits! It’s also someone to share the mental load of household admin, someone to share the driving with on a long journey, someone to share a holiday with and be a plus-one to boring parties and weddings. I glare at the couple in the seats next to me, they keep nudging my laptop while snuggling into each other, making the most disgusting slurpy kissing noises. I actually can’t believe I was one of those smug couples for so long.

I check the time and I still have another two hours of this flight left. I ask the air hostess for another mini white wine. Then, my phone pings. A WhatsApp from Mum.

Jacob has been in touch with me darling. Shall I 4WRD MSG 2 U?

MUM x

I message back immediately.

Me: WHAT?

Mum: One second darling, I’m just pouring myself a cup of tea.

I feel the fury burning in my chest and take a moment to try and calm myself down. This isn’t her fault. The fact that she is the most infuriating woman on the planet to me – also not her fault.