I’m glad I don’t have a hangover, otherwise I wouldn’t have survived. Bea shoos the kids out of the room and we are alone again.

‘When do they go to bed?’ I ask.

‘Ha, by eight p.m. normally, but it changes.’ There is a noticeable strain in Bea’s voice. ‘It’s so nice when Jeremy is home because I get to hang out with you guys all night.’ I get the sense that when Jeremy is around he ‘owes’ Bea – he can be quite absent. I pour Bea and myself more red wine.

‘So guys,’ Cec says, clearing her throat. ‘Can I read you my list of “the worst things people have said to me whilst pregnant”?’

‘Of course,’ Bea says, intrigued, turning down the sound levels on the TV.

‘I’ve got a list typed out on my iPhone and I add to it every time something annoys me,’ Cec says.

‘Go on,’ I say, glugging down some more wine.

She clears her throat, smooths down her bob and puts her glasses on.

‘Right. Are you all listening? Here’s the first one. People coming up to you and just saying, wow you’re big. Are you sure you’ve just got the one in there?

‘Number two: when people text me just saying ANY UPDATES?? Like, obviously I will tell people when I’ve given birth.

‘Three: Is that all? You look so much further along!

‘Four: How much more do you weigh now?

‘Five: Are you eating for two?

‘Six: Good luck! My labour was absolutely awful!

‘Seven: Better get all the sleep you can now!’

I squirm. Before having pregnant friends, I’d definitely been guilty of saying such things. I’ve been that person who touches a stranger’s bump, rubbing my hands all over it and going ‘Ooh, it’s sooo weird, isn’t it?’ Cec has made me realize that it was technically akin to reaching out and squeezing someone’s boob without asking. Definitely encroaching on personal space.

‘So, that’s my list,’ Cec says, leaning back and rubbing her belly. ‘But I’m sure I’ll add to it. In general it seems that being pregnant means being stared at and touched more than usual. But then also sort of ignored by men because you’re off the table, too. Like one big oxymoron?’

‘I felt that too! Like obviously it’s not great to be sexually objectified, but also I kind of missed it,’ Bea says.

Cec starts yawning loudly. ‘Right guys, I think I’m gonna hit the hay. Me and Oscar need our beauty sleep.’

‘OK, night Cec, come on, let’s fill these up,’ I say to Bea, waving my wine glass at her. ‘Seeing as Jeremy’s got the kids, eh!’

‘Ah, I really shouldn’t, Ol. I’ve got to take them to football and swimming tomorrow morning,’ Bea says, now also yawning. ‘Sorry …’

She hugs me goodnight and asks me to turn out the lights in the hallway when I come up. I hear their footsteps upstairs as they brush their teeth. I grab another bottle from Bea’s wine cabinet and tuck it under my arm, then nip outside for a cigarette. I stand outside Bea’s porch in pyjamas, wellies and Jeremy’s big coat, watching the patterns of the smoke coming from my mouth. As I inhale, I feel a gnawing unease. A sense of loneliness settling over me. I want to hear about how Cec and Isla are feeling, I really do. Isla’s been struggling for months now and I’m worried about her. But I also want to tell them about Jacob – the exact reason why he and I broke up. I want to tell them how I’m really feeling. I wanted them to stay up past 11 p.m., for god’s sake. Everyone else seems to have exciting or important news, while my only update is that my relationship has come to an end.