Chapters (42)
I glance at Vada out of the corner of my eye. She appears to be thinking, and I know she’s not comprehending the significance.
“They were concerned about my ‘witness,’ which basically means they don’t think I can be a good influence anymore, because how am I supposed to teach abstinence if I’m having sex?”
Vada blinks. “Wait, you had sex?”
“Definitely not. Which is what I said to James, but it doesn’t even matter. I could have. There’s no proof either way, and that’s the point. I’m damned by association.”
My best friend scoffs. “This is like some serious Regency-era bullshit, you know that?”
“It’s church, Vada. I know you think it’s wrong, but it’s the way it is. I knew that going into this, but I guess I wanted to forget it for a while. Instead, I just wanted to be happy and in love for the first time ever.”
“I don’t see what one has to do with the other.”
“It does when you have young girls watching your every move.”
“But they aren’t. They didn’t see anything. It was a mom, right? Like, in the middle of the night? You weren’t fornicating in the church parking lot or wearing nipple tassels as a bathing suit, right?”
I snicker, but it’s weak. “Of course not. Ew.”
Vada sighs. “I know I don’t go to church, but I’ve known you my entire life, and I’ve yet to meet anyone more joyful and full of love for Jesus. I can’t think of a single human being I’d rather teach my thirteen-year-old about God.”
“Thank you.” I say, touched. “But?”
Vada’s nostrils flare. “But at what risk to yourself? I’ve never seen you so happy and flustered and complete. Micah does that for you.”
“I know,” I say miserably. “I know that. But what if I messed it up? By being loose with him? What if I cursed us and God won’t bless our relationship?”
“Whoa, what?” Vada’s eyes narrow. “You can’t actually believe that?”
“I honestly don’t know what I believe anymore. Before, everything felt beautiful and right between us. But now I can’t shake this feeling that Satan was tricking me. I feel dirty.”
Vada stops. We’re on the sidewalk in front of Micah’s, but she doesn’t let me pass. She takes my shoulders in her hands and looks in my eyes, pleading. “Meg, no. You’re not dirty or used up or anything like that. What happened with Micah is beautiful. Truly. And the way he looks at you is so special.”
I feel the sting of fresh tears, but I can’t even speak. I shake my head, breaking myself from her hold, and make my way up the sidewalk to Micah’s house.