Chapters (42)
James smiles, but it’s sad. “You only play Jimmy when you’re angry, and you’re only angry when you’re backed in a corner, about to do something you don’t want to.”
“That’s always.”
“Seems like, doesn’t it?” James agrees easily.
“I’m not ready to face him yet.”
“That’s fair.”
“Is it, though? It’s been more than five years. The last time I saw him, I was in eighth grade.”
“And exactly how long are these things supposed to take?”
I grimace. “Dunno.”
“Exactly. There isn’t a rule book for this.”
“Brian says I need to forgive him.”
James nods. “Brian’s right. Technically. But…” He leans back in his chair, crossing his ankle over his knee. “Forgiving someone before you mean it is useless. And a lie. So why force the issue? Do you think you can forgive your dad without speaking to him? Or facing your anger? Without healing your hurt?”
My lips start to twitch at James’s subtle shift into Pastor Mode. I don’t even think he realizes when he’s doing it, but it always starts with the lean-and-leg-cross. “No.”
“I’m not saying you should gloss over it and move on with your life. It won’t work. Eventually, it will come up and bite you in the ass. What I’m saying is you need to heal yourself first. Then maybe you can face your dad with an open mind.”
“You sound like you know a lot about this.”
“Unfortunately.”
“Drew?”
He doesn’t answer, but his eyes dart to the photo on his desk. It’s facing away from us, but I’ve seen it enough times to know it’s of James and his older brother, Drew, taken at Summerfest in Milwaukee nearly twenty years ago.
I stand to leave, waving the unopened Gatorade at him. “I need to get to work. Thanks for this.”
“Anytime.”
I hesitate at the door. James is staring at the picture on his desk, lost in thought. “James,” I prompt. His eyes drag to meet mine. “Thank you. Really. Are you coming by the store today?”
He brightens. “Uh, yeah. I’d better. I have to confirm a couple of online orders. Something was glitchy with the site last night, and I want to make sure they went through.”
“Sure. Whatever you have to tell yourself.”
James grins, whipping off his baseball hat and chucking it at me. “Get out of here, kid.”