James rubs his hand down his tired face. “I can’t have you talking to girls about abstinence and not practicing it yourself, Meg. You’re supposed to lead by example.”

I inhale sharply. “I’m not having sex!”

“It doesn’t matter, does it? You have to keep up appearances.”

“It was the middle of the night! I’m sorry, but what is she doing watching me that late at night?! How did she even see us?”

“She said she was letting out her dog, but it doesn’t matter. She saw it. As someone who is affiliated with the church, you are to remain above censure at all times.”

I swallow back a tide of hurt. “So, you’re saying that even though I did not have sex and my boyfriend did not stay the night, I am still being held accountable as if we did.”

“Meg, my hands are tied—”

I shake my head, cutting him off. “No. I get it. Appearances. You said that. Thank you for reminding me. I was just starting to relax, you know?” My voice is thick with emotion. “I thought maybe it would be okay if I lived a little. Wear short sleeves, kiss my boyfriend, fall in love. Maybe I could do that and still share my love of Christ. Maybe it didn’t have to be one or the other. I guess that was stupid. I didn’t want to believe my mom was right, but she was, wasn’t she?”

James looks stunned.

“It’s fine,” I say. “I understand, Pastor.”

I hop off the stool and rush back into my room, slamming the door, and startling Vada awake. Before she can ask, I shake my head and head for the shower, waiting for the water to hit before I let the torrent of tears fall.

Thanksgiving is an uncomfortable affair. It’s at Micah’s parents’, so I tell James we’ll meet him there. I explain I need to stop off for some things at the grocery store, and he allows me the excuse. Vada watches warily as I layer up over my loosest boyfriend jeans and baggy sweater, throwing on an ugly knit hat that completely covers my ears.

We make it several blocks before she bites. “Okay. What happened? You and James have an iceberg between you this morning, and you’re dressed like a marshmallow puff getting ready for the Iditarod. It’s not even that cold out.”

I shrug, shoving my hands in my pockets. “I’m comfortable.”

She tries another tack. “Okay, it’s a holiday. Your favorite holiday. You barely even acknowledged the Rockette kick line this morning. You can’t lie to me, Hennessey.”

I huff a sigh, my breath clouding out before me. “One of my youth group girls’ moms came to James about seeing Micah and me hanging out late on Halloween.”