I peer down at my mother’s tombstone, which stands beside my sister’s.

ANNE BRODEN

OCTOBER 24, 1953–MAY 9, 2004

DEVOTED WIFE AND MOTHER

I’ve always hated her epitaph, ever since my father first showed it to me, handwritten in his illegible scrawl on a yellow legal pad. I was twenty, a junior in college. He said, “I don’t know what to write. How’s this?” I said, “It’s fine,” because I couldn’t process anything at that point. Even today, I can’t. But I’m sorry that we defined my mother’s entire life by her relationship to us. The saddest part, however, is that I still don’t know what would have been more fitting.

My sister’s tombstone is the same size and shape as my mother’s. Side by side, they look like pillows atop a king-size bed.

CHARLOTTE BRODEN

AUGUST 8, 1995–JUNE 1, 2017

NEVER SAY GOODBYE BECAUSE GOODBYE MEANS GOING AWAY

AND GOING AWAY MEANS FORGETTING

I picked the quote. I scoured the Internet for potential quotes, and that one spoke to me. So much so that I also used it for my ode to Charlotte set to music. Reading it now, I feel a twinge of guilt that it’s no better than my mother’s. It’s still about us, not her. Maybe that’s the way it always is with death.

“Hi, Char-bar.” The cold air turns my breath to vapor. “Lucky you’re bundled up down there. It’s freezing up here.” I chuckle, then look around the cemetery nervously, worried someone will find my laughter inappropriate. No one else is around. Apparently harsh winter days are not optimal for visiting dead loved ones.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been here since the funeral. I know you don’t care. It’s not like we don’t talk all the time. I hope you’re with Mom. I bet she really missed you and is much happier now that you’re together. Not that she wanted you to die, of course. But . . . lemons into lemonade, amiright?”

And just like that, I start to cry. I was hoping to avoid a total meltdown, but once that dam breaks, I put up no resistance and let the tears run down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry, Char. I know that I’m the lucky one. I had you in my life and I get to have a life. I’m so sorry for you. God . . . the things you’re never going to experience. It’s so terrible. I wish you and Gabriel and I could go out to dinner. You’d like him. I mean, all girls like him. He’s gorgeous. But, you’d see what I see in him. He’s . . . a really good man. Can you believe that? There’s one out there. And he’s mine. The fact that he’s beautiful and smart and great in bed . . . I mean, what did I do to deserve that?”

21. DANA GOODWIN

21.