“Oh. I thought you meant about school. I love you too, Mommy.” He scrunches up his little face. “Mommy, do you know why Batman became Batman?”

I do, of course. I suspect that my son’s posing this question tonight is not coincidental. I wonder what has brought this to the fore.

“No, why?”

“When he was a little boy, his mommy and daddy were killed. And he decided that he would become a superhero so that he could save other kids’ parents.”

I’m doing my best to hold back tears. The last thing I want is for Jacob to see me cry. He must already know, or at the very least sense, that he’s in danger of losing me. I could ask him directly what’s brought all this on, but like waking a sleepwalker, I fear that may give rise to consequences I’m not prepared to accept.

“It’s wonderful that, when something so sad happened to him, he was able to dedicate himself to helping other people.”

“Yeah,” Jacob confirms. “I think if something ever happened to you or Daddy, that’s what I’d do too.”

I want with all my heart to tell him that he’s not going to have to be a superhero. That nothing is going to happen to me.

But of course I can’t say that. For all I know, I’ll be out of his life forever by this time next week.

55. ELLA BRODEN

55.

ELLA BRODEN

I’m exhausted at the end of the day. A week of trial is as grueling as any physical endeavor I’ve ever undertaken. Hiking up Half Dome in Yosemite or running a marathon are cake by comparison.

“Do you want to go out to dinner?” Gabriel asks once we’re in a cab on the way back to my apartment.

“No. Bad optics if we’re photographed in the middle of the trial. Let’s order something in and open a bottle of wine.”

Once we arrive at my place, I go straight to the wine rack. Gabriel heads to the computer to place our dinner order. Forty minutes later, the Chianti I opened is half-gone, and the food from UpThai has just arrived.

“I can’t get Stuart Goodwin’s testimony out of my head,” I say as we begin eating.

Gabriel is still sequestered from hearing witness testimony. As a result, he relies on my evening summaries to assess how the trial is progressing. In the cab on the way home, I told him that Stuart provided the expected alibi for his wife. I didn’t yet, however, share with him my darker thoughts about his testimony.

“What about it?” he asks.