McKenney takes the momentary lull to mean we’re finished. He gets up from behind his desk and makes his way to his closet. As he’s putting on his overcoat, he says, “Appreciate the update. I’m sorry that I need to run, but I really can’t keep Judge Lawson waiting.”

Gabriel and I follow him out of his office and into the hallway. I think we’re done, but then Gabriel decides to spell out for McKenney what I’m certain the DA has already surmised: that we consider him a suspect in the murder of Lauren Wright.

“Just so no one accuses us later of not doing our jobs . . . where were you the night of the murder?”

McKenney stops in his tracks. After a beat, he turns to face us. He’s still all smiles. But this time I can see rage behind the grin.

“With my wife,” he says. Then he turns on his heels and walks away.

24. ELLA BRODEN

24.

ELLA BRODEN

Before Allison can officially begin our session with her customary “How are you?” I blurt out my news about my getting a Saturday-night gig at Lava.

“What a difference a day makes. Yesterday you thought you were cursed,” she says with a smile.

And just like that, the guilt crashes over me again. “I’m still cursed,” I say. “I mean, the Saturday-night thing is nice, but I’d turn it down in a heartbeat if it would bring Lauren back. And let’s be real about it. Nobody is declaring me Beyoncé just yet. All that’s really happened is that I’ve been given a better night to sing five songs in front of a hundred people.”

“Don’t do that, Ella,” Allison says, sounding a lot the way I imagine my mother would say those words. “Diminish your accomplishment. You’ve worked hard, and now it’s being rewarded. What I find interesting is that you were excited about it too—that is until I connected it to Lauren’s death. Once I did that, you sought to minimize it. Why do you think that is?”

“Her murder,” I say. “I hate when people use the term death or passing or whatever as a synonym for murder. It’s not the same thing.”

Allison nods at my rebuke. “Fair enough, but my question still stands.”

“I guess it’s because . . . I felt like you were trying to balance out Lauren’s murder with something positive. I just can’t go through life thinking like that. How could every good thing that happens to me make my mother’s death, and Charlotte’s and Lauren’s murders somehow less tragic?”