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Back Magma
Chapters (100)
  1. Magma
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Dedication
  5. Reykjavik 2007
  6. Chlamydia
  7. Bachelors I
  8. Vegetarians
  9. The Ex I
  10. The Bike
  11. Willpower I
  12. Willpower II
  13. Graduation Party
  14. His Children
  15. Hygiene
  16. Mom
  17. Ghosts of the Past
  18. The Ex II
  19. Girlfriends
  20. Butthole
  21. Love
  22. The Suburbs
  23. Privilege
  24. The Game I
  25. The Game II
  26. Prevention I
  27. Non Grata
  28. Oral Sex
  29. Plato’s Moon Child
  30. Vanity I
  31. Internet Friends I
  32. Bachelors II
  33. The Ex III
  34. The Ex IV
  35. Ephemera
  36. Deflowering
  37. Academia
  38. Internet Friends II
  39. Prevention II
  40. Limits I
  41. Limits II
  42. Birthday
  43. Bad
  44. Equation
  45. Vanity II
  46. Wedding
  47. He Loves Me
  48. The Sticking Place
  49. Blue Balls
  50. The Ex V
  51. Woman Warrior
  52. Words
  53. Lessons from History
  54. Cycle
  55. Love
  56. Contract
  57. Household
  58. Books
  59. Compromise I
  60. The Natural Habitat of Vegetarians
  61. Childhood
  62. Primitive
  63. Special Place
  64. Principles
  65. Growing Pains
  66. Treasure Hunt
  67. Compromise II
  68. Depression
  69. Alchemy
  70. Knowledge
  71. Disapparation
  72. Redhead
  73. Capulet
  74. Shame
  75. Kindness
  76. Hibernation
  77. Magma
  78. Mission
  79. Disappointment
  80. The Situation
  81. Out and About
  82. Appointment I
  83. Ground Zero
  84. Appointment II
  85. Desire
  86. Cold Slab
  87. Resolution
  88. Balance
  89. Untoward Effects
  90. Sleeping Beauty
  91. Optimism
  92. Drought
  93. Absence
  94. Going Down
  95. Situation
  96. Appointment III
  97. Crossroads
  98. Afterlife
  99. Cosmogenesis
  100. Back Cover

I follow the woman into the kitchen. The girl is standing there, ghostly pale, wrapped in plastic. I throw her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, carry her to my car. But it feels too cruel to put her in the trunk, so I place her in the passenger seat. When I put the car in gear, she begins to tremble violently, as if she’s just come alive, and she begins to breathe quickly, erratically. I take her home, wrap a blanket around her, and talk to her. She doesn’t seem to comprehend anything. She shakes, consumed by choked breaths. I can’t save her. I can’t ease her suffering. I am complicit. I know she won’t linger much longer. I try to offer her food. I try to do something good for her, but I know the time for salvation has passed.

Resolution

Resolution

I have been working very hard to forgive him. I will, with time. He’s so beautiful, it’d be difficult not to offer him forgiveness. I find it much more difficult to forgive myself for being such a psychotic idiot. For not having known better, for not having left, for letting it carry on so long.

Balance

Balance

I’ve always tried to be a good person, and I’m pretty sure I used to be. But these days I have nothing to give, nothing to say. I’m here, but I’m completely lost. My parents taught me that patience, empathy, and hard work were key to a happy life. If I treated people with kindness, everything would turn out fine. But now I find that I’ve become emotionally bankrupt, having given away much more than I ever had to begin with.

Untoward Effects

Untoward Effects

Nothing has improved. The meds are a bandage on a gash. With the least provocation, my fissures open up, blood and pus erupt from the wound, and the only remedy is more medicine so that I don’t feel as much. I go easy on myself; I take pains, I wrap myself in cotton. I never meet anybody or make plans. I don’t force myself to move. At first the pills dried up the well of my tears, but now the tears have welled over. I grieve for us and the relationship that I believed we would have.

Sleeping Beauty

Sleeping Beauty