The morning after, I woke up in my bed feeling like I’d been hit by a train. When I got up, the floor was covered in broken glass, but I rushed past it and made it to the bathroom just in time to throw up. I puked and puked, with short pauses to lie down on the living room sofa, where I sweated and shook under a blanket. When Louise got out of bed, she teased me, said I’d been pretty wasted when I came home. I’d slammed the front door so loud the house shook, and I’d knocked over a couple of plants on my way up to my room. She noticed that I was bruised. I had deep scratches on one of my thighs, like I’d fallen and skinned my whole right side on the pavement. My body was covered in small cuts and bruises. Louise kept asking me what happened at the bar, and finally I gave in and told her that I thought I’d been raped. I left out the part where I’d taken drugs, instead saying that Steinn Steinar must have slipped me something.

We went to the emergency clinic, where I was examined, and based on the injuries, there was no doubt I’d been raped. I’d never slept with anyone before, and now my vagina was covered in contusions, torn. It was a wound. I was grateful that I hardly remembered anything. It’s still a blur—my head was hit or hit against something hard, and I saw Steinn Steinar wild against me in the bathroom, which was covered in graffiti. The nurse encouraged me to report the rape, but I didn’t want to, I knew it was my own fault. I shouldn’t have taken drugs. All I had to do was say “No, thanks,” and it never would have happened, I wouldn’t have lost my senses. My parents would feel really bad if they found out that I’d broken their trust, right when they’d let me move to a foreign country. It was bad enough that I had to call them and tell them about the rape.

At school on Monday, Anne came over to me and announced proudly that she’d gone home with one of Steinn’s sleazy friends and he was her new boyfriend. Then she asked teasingly about what happened between Steinn Steinar and me. I’d completely disappeared! I told her that Steinn had slipped me something and raped me and I’d gone to the hospital the day after. When Anne heard that, she laughed sloppily and said, “That makes no sense. He couldn’t have raped you. You were hitting on him so hard.”

Academia

Academia