Vegetarians

I think it’s awesome that he’s a vegetarian, too; none of my friends are, and the girls are always teasing me about it. But we’ve banded together in our meat-free lifestyle—plus, he’s a great vegetarian cook, so I’m learning a lot. I’ve started to eat a much more balanced diet. I’ve graduated from grilled cheese and fries. He thinks it’s offensive when people invite him to dinner and then offer him meat—and all his girlfriends have been vegetarians. He thinks girls who eat meat are repulsive.

The Ex I

The Ex I

He still loves his ex-girlfriend, and they’re still close friends. She’s elegant and clever. She was at the top of her class in classics in school, they both know Latin, and they’re both well-read; they toss Derrida quotes around like it’s nothing. The other day, he asked me to meet him at a coffeehouse, so it was more than a little strange that he was sitting with her when I arrived. I felt humiliated, and I wanted to leave, to turn around and walk straight out, to disappear, but they’d already spotted me and I had to sit with them. It was one of the most uncomfortable afternoons of my life. I was stressed, sweating like a pig, and I got this weird tremor. They were so relaxed together, and so much smarter than me. They talked about movies I hadn’t seen, and they went on and on about things I hadn’t ever thought about. The Ex tried to bring me into the conversation by explaining, among other things, what a strawberry milkshake was—it’s when a man cums on a woman’s face and punches her in the nose, giving her a nosebleed. Snowballing, she went on, is when a man cums in a woman’s mouth and she spits it into his mouth. He’s told me about sex with her—how nice it was, how talented she is at blow jobs. I’m pretty bad at them; I just gag.

The Bike

The Bike