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Back Magma
Chapters (100)
  1. Magma
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Dedication
  5. Reykjavik 2007
  6. Chlamydia
  7. Bachelors I
  8. Vegetarians
  9. The Ex I
  10. The Bike
  11. Willpower I
  12. Willpower II
  13. Graduation Party
  14. His Children
  15. Hygiene
  16. Mom
  17. Ghosts of the Past
  18. The Ex II
  19. Girlfriends
  20. Butthole
  21. Love
  22. The Suburbs
  23. Privilege
  24. The Game I
  25. The Game II
  26. Prevention I
  27. Non Grata
  28. Oral Sex
  29. Plato’s Moon Child
  30. Vanity I
  31. Internet Friends I
  32. Bachelors II
  33. The Ex III
  34. The Ex IV
  35. Ephemera
  36. Deflowering
  37. Academia
  38. Internet Friends II
  39. Prevention II
  40. Limits I
  41. Limits II
  42. Birthday
  43. Bad
  44. Equation
  45. Vanity II
  46. Wedding
  47. He Loves Me
  48. The Sticking Place
  49. Blue Balls
  50. The Ex V
  51. Woman Warrior
  52. Words
  53. Lessons from History
  54. Cycle
  55. Love
  56. Contract
  57. Household
  58. Books
  59. Compromise I
  60. The Natural Habitat of Vegetarians
  61. Childhood
  62. Primitive
  63. Special Place
  64. Principles
  65. Growing Pains
  66. Treasure Hunt
  67. Compromise II
  68. Depression
  69. Alchemy
  70. Knowledge
  71. Disapparation
  72. Redhead
  73. Capulet
  74. Shame
  75. Kindness
  76. Hibernation
  77. Magma
  78. Mission
  79. Disappointment
  80. The Situation
  81. Out and About
  82. Appointment I
  83. Ground Zero
  84. Appointment II
  85. Desire
  86. Cold Slab
  87. Resolution
  88. Balance
  89. Untoward Effects
  90. Sleeping Beauty
  91. Optimism
  92. Drought
  93. Absence
  94. Going Down
  95. Situation
  96. Appointment III
  97. Crossroads
  98. Afterlife
  99. Cosmogenesis
  100. Back Cover

I started to wail, shaking and shivering, hoping that I wouldn’t have to answer any of his questions. The young doctor turned to where he sat in the corner.

“Do you know what happened?”

He raised his hands to his face, wiped aside tears that ran down his cheeks, brushed his lips with the heel of his hand, and began, “I just found her like this. I was at work when she did it.”

The young doctor inspected the wounds. Medical staff were constantly coming and going, and he spoke to them in low tones until an older nurse arrived to help. She hung around. She and the doctor whispered to each other before he turned to me, resolved: “Lilja, you have to tell me how you got these wounds.”

I was ashamed. Why couldn’t I even manage to kill myself? Then I wouldn’t have to listen to this bullshit. I couldn’t say anything; I had no words to describe what had happened. The doctor pressed me for an answer until I pushed through my silence: “I fell in the shower.”

The doc and nurse looked at each other. I expected that they would chide me for lying to them so boldly. But the doctor answered with intention, “What did you hit when you fell? I need to know how you got these wounds in order to assess the severity.”

“A razor blade,” I answered, ashamed.

He scrutinized the wounds, allowed my answer to suffice, and began to stitch my fissures.

Kindness

Kindness

I was discharged in the morning with stitches and bandages that itched, that I could not scratch, that I couldn’t get wet. Taxis aren’t cheap, and we didn’t have the money to take a taxi back. As we walked across the hospital parking lot toward the bus stop, we ran into a hippie I recognized from the café where I work. He worked as an emergency nurse, but I hadn’t seen him in the bustle of staff that had rushed in and out of my exam room. He said he’d just finished up his shift, and he offered us a ride. I slumped in the back seat like a shameful shit while they made small talk on the way to town. But I’ve seldom felt as grateful as I did for that ride.

Hibernation

Hibernation