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Back Magma
Chapters (100)
  1. Magma
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Dedication
  5. Reykjavik 2007
  6. Chlamydia
  7. Bachelors I
  8. Vegetarians
  9. The Ex I
  10. The Bike
  11. Willpower I
  12. Willpower II
  13. Graduation Party
  14. His Children
  15. Hygiene
  16. Mom
  17. Ghosts of the Past
  18. The Ex II
  19. Girlfriends
  20. Butthole
  21. Love
  22. The Suburbs
  23. Privilege
  24. The Game I
  25. The Game II
  26. Prevention I
  27. Non Grata
  28. Oral Sex
  29. Plato’s Moon Child
  30. Vanity I
  31. Internet Friends I
  32. Bachelors II
  33. The Ex III
  34. The Ex IV
  35. Ephemera
  36. Deflowering
  37. Academia
  38. Internet Friends II
  39. Prevention II
  40. Limits I
  41. Limits II
  42. Birthday
  43. Bad
  44. Equation
  45. Vanity II
  46. Wedding
  47. He Loves Me
  48. The Sticking Place
  49. Blue Balls
  50. The Ex V
  51. Woman Warrior
  52. Words
  53. Lessons from History
  54. Cycle
  55. Love
  56. Contract
  57. Household
  58. Books
  59. Compromise I
  60. The Natural Habitat of Vegetarians
  61. Childhood
  62. Primitive
  63. Special Place
  64. Principles
  65. Growing Pains
  66. Treasure Hunt
  67. Compromise II
  68. Depression
  69. Alchemy
  70. Knowledge
  71. Disapparation
  72. Redhead
  73. Capulet
  74. Shame
  75. Kindness
  76. Hibernation
  77. Magma
  78. Mission
  79. Disappointment
  80. The Situation
  81. Out and About
  82. Appointment I
  83. Ground Zero
  84. Appointment II
  85. Desire
  86. Cold Slab
  87. Resolution
  88. Balance
  89. Untoward Effects
  90. Sleeping Beauty
  91. Optimism
  92. Drought
  93. Absence
  94. Going Down
  95. Situation
  96. Appointment III
  97. Crossroads
  98. Afterlife
  99. Cosmogenesis
  100. Back Cover

I didn’t leave the house for days. A string of days. I didn’t answer the telephone, skipped school, asked him to call in sick for me at work. He tried to get me to eat, but my appetite was gone. I felt in a knot in my stomach, worrying that things were over between us. I was too fucked-up, afraid that the contract was broken. But he was gentle, lay with me, held me. Repeated again and again that he loved me so much and he wanted to watch over me. He begged me to keep the suicide attempt from my parents; he was afraid they’d try to keep us apart.

Magma

Magma

He dragged me into the living room; we sat there, looking for a movie to watch on his computer. I saw a tab blink. Her name. He was still talking to the redhead. The pressure of anger forced me out of my lethargy. “Are you still talking to that slut? What the hell’s wrong with you?” I shoved my bandaged wrists in his face and shrieked, “It’s all your fault, you asshole. I hate you!”

He protested, said he’d long ago stopped talking to her, but she kept trying to connect with him. “I only want to be with you. Try to calm down. You can see what she said . . .”

But I had no interest in doing more homework on their chats, nor did I plan on loosening the fist of my righteous anger. I jumped on him, punching and clawing. I throttled him and strangled him and dug my nails into his neck as he begged me to stop and tried to embrace me, but I fought like a wild thing, bit him and struck him, and in the end, he threw me off, and I slammed into the floor, where I lay in a pile and cried until he carried me, my body still furled, into the bedroom.

Mission

Mission

My mother called for the hundredth time, and I finally answered. She asked if I was okay, if something was wrong. I feigned illness and said I was on the mend. “I’m happy to hear that,” she answered cheerfully. “I’m just in your neighborhood. Did I tell you that your dad and I are getting new curtains? Do you want to come along, check them out?” Mom didn’t wait for an answer before adding, “I’ll be there in fifteen, be ready.”