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Back Magma
Chapters (100)
  1. Magma
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Dedication
  5. Reykjavik 2007
  6. Chlamydia
  7. Bachelors I
  8. Vegetarians
  9. The Ex I
  10. The Bike
  11. Willpower I
  12. Willpower II
  13. Graduation Party
  14. His Children
  15. Hygiene
  16. Mom
  17. Ghosts of the Past
  18. The Ex II
  19. Girlfriends
  20. Butthole
  21. Love
  22. The Suburbs
  23. Privilege
  24. The Game I
  25. The Game II
  26. Prevention I
  27. Non Grata
  28. Oral Sex
  29. Plato’s Moon Child
  30. Vanity I
  31. Internet Friends I
  32. Bachelors II
  33. The Ex III
  34. The Ex IV
  35. Ephemera
  36. Deflowering
  37. Academia
  38. Internet Friends II
  39. Prevention II
  40. Limits I
  41. Limits II
  42. Birthday
  43. Bad
  44. Equation
  45. Vanity II
  46. Wedding
  47. He Loves Me
  48. The Sticking Place
  49. Blue Balls
  50. The Ex V
  51. Woman Warrior
  52. Words
  53. Lessons from History
  54. Cycle
  55. Love
  56. Contract
  57. Household
  58. Books
  59. Compromise I
  60. The Natural Habitat of Vegetarians
  61. Childhood
  62. Primitive
  63. Special Place
  64. Principles
  65. Growing Pains
  66. Treasure Hunt
  67. Compromise II
  68. Depression
  69. Alchemy
  70. Knowledge
  71. Disapparation
  72. Redhead
  73. Capulet
  74. Shame
  75. Kindness
  76. Hibernation
  77. Magma
  78. Mission
  79. Disappointment
  80. The Situation
  81. Out and About
  82. Appointment I
  83. Ground Zero
  84. Appointment II
  85. Desire
  86. Cold Slab
  87. Resolution
  88. Balance
  89. Untoward Effects
  90. Sleeping Beauty
  91. Optimism
  92. Drought
  93. Absence
  94. Going Down
  95. Situation
  96. Appointment III
  97. Crossroads
  98. Afterlife
  99. Cosmogenesis
  100. Back Cover

He has such beautiful eyes. Sometimes he snuggles up to my chest and looks up at me, deep into my soul. Then he’s so cute that I almost want to have him, to be his mommy, to start anew and take care of him. He went through so much when he was a kid that can’t be taken back. When I asked him to tell me about his life with his father, he drew back, acted strangely, but I know a little bit. I know that his father had all sorts of questionable girlfriends, and some of them were really chaotic, but he usually had time to read in peace when his father was in a relationship. I also know—mainly because of the stories he’s told me—that his father was a drunk who didn’t tolerate weakness and mistreated his girlfriends.

Like when he was seven years old in Norway, he vomited all over the kitchen table. His father hit him so hard that he knocked him off his chair, and he continued to kick him with steel-toed boots.

Another time, his father took him to some woman’s flat and made him wait while he fucked her upstairs. But he got to watch cartoons in the living room. That was a good day to him—until they came home to find his father’s girlfriend raving, demanding to know where they’d been.

When he was twelve, he moved back to Iceland. Nobody ever talked about those years in Norway. He wouldn’t speak about the alcoholism, the violence. He often tells me that he thinks his mother is clever and beautiful, but on the few occasions he’s talked about his father, he’s marveled at how his mother could’ve been with such a jackass.

Primitive

Primitive

We are naked and sweaty. My ear against his sturdy rib cage, a delicately spicy aroma from his underarms. That is my favorite smell in the entire world. I want to bathe in his sweat, go out into the world with the scent of him ensnaring my senses.

Special Place

Special Place

Our love is raw. We trust each other down to the core, something nobody in my life has ever come close to. When I feel as if I’ve flayed myself with a potato peeler, I remind myself: Love is a spectrum. It is as painful as it is wonderful.

Principles

Principles