walking back to the car, i said ‘it wasn’t as urgent as the watermelon, was it? something was different about this time.’ he didn’t say anything.

12:30–1AM: expressed desire for ‘sparkly drink.’ ex-boyfriend played a funny chief keef song. i said there should be a video game like ‘street fighter’ but with rappers, you fight all the rap feuds. ex-boyfriend said that existed.

passed a ‘MARCH MADNESS SPECIALS: BEER WINGS SHRIMP’ applebees sign. i said ‘close your eyes. guess what three words applebees lists for ‘march madness specials.” ex-boyfriend said ‘coors light draft?’ i said ‘beer wings shrimp.’ pulled into wawa parking lot. ex-boyfriend said ‘ah, skrim.’ i said ‘any time i ask you a question like that, like, a march madness food question: know that one of the answers will always be shrimp.’

ordered a BLT and ex-boyfriend ordered another sandwich. stood by sandwich area, waiting. i said ‘there are no video games where you’re like, the bad guy. you’re just doing bad stuff.’ ex-boyfriend said ‘yeah, well. you do bad stuff but they always make you relatable.’ i said ‘yeah. or, no. grand theft auto, kind of. just doing bad stuff.’

he said ‘yeah, there’s no game where you just like, set stuff on fire for no reason.’ i said ‘no serial killers.’ he said ‘yeah, grand theft auto i guess.’

i said ‘i was so mad at you earlier.’ he said ‘i know, why were you so mad?’ i said ‘you were drunk. or. well.’ he said ‘when?’ i said ‘like, all of today.’ he kind of laughed and said ‘oh yeah’ and nodded.

1AM–2:30AM: ate sandwiches. TV froze on an image of a shark. antenna recalibrated. i said ‘sharks are like DMX, like, exactly.’ ex-boyfriend laughed and said ‘yeah, exactly.’ i said ‘their faces, just, everything. they’re so mad.’ watched ‘the office,’ part of ‘the simpsons’ and ‘seinfeld.’ went to bedroom and gave blowjob. held him until i think he was asleep.

4:32AM: have been sitting at kitchen table looking at internet for some time. snorted remaining heroin in bathroom. ex-boyfriend has been sleeping since i’ve been here but i still don’t want him to know. he’ll know tomorrow, or whenever he reads this. just. don’t want him to see me doing this right now.

4:36AM: heard pee wee herman-like groaning, then a water bottle.

5:09AM: eyes droopy. crossing involuntarily sometimes. eating orange.

5:30AM: ex-boyfriend is naked about 15 feet away from me in bathroom, peeing with his hands by his sides. asked if he remembered the apple thing. he said ‘birth control apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.’

5:57AM: annoyed by loud yawning noises and alvie’s chirping and shirley’s noises and cats chasing each other noises. want to smoke a cigarette and sleep. ‘big day tomorrow.’

5:59AM: tossed orange peel at alvie’s head. predictable response. i would’ve done the same thing.