August 3, 2013

AUGUST 3, 2013

12:00–3:[something]AM: somewhere around here in the video i stopped filtering thoughts before talking, video became me narrating inner monologue looking at the internet. dressed in clothes i was wearing before video. looked at CDs of old pictures, AIM conversations, diary-like text documents from 2004-2009. downloaded iphone app called ‘anxietymint.’ heated two flour tortillas on my stove and spread hummus on them and filled them with raw red cabbage. remember noting this is the first thing i’ve eaten, besides the orange, since the eight cashews on july 31.’

3:[something]–7:45AM: ended video accidentally, ‘for the best.’ ate 10mg oxycodone. my bed doesn’t feel like a bed because it’s technically in the kitchen area. decided to make the table and bed switch places. first i measured the bed with the long side of ‘pop serial 3’ (a little more than five ‘pop serial 3’s), then measured the space i thought it could maybe fit (a little more than four ‘pop serial 3’s). moved it. the leftover/hangover length seemed negligible. swept and mopped floor. this will be helpful for shirley, she will see the bed in a different place and maybe not want to pee on it. how do cats decide where to pee.

dressed in neon orange shorts, t-shirt, gray hoodie, glasses, flip flops to move car. expected to see a ticket. played ‘anxietymint’ game on the walk. there was no ticket.

6:30PM: woke.

6:30–11:59PM: going to type rapidfire style what i remember:

• called mom and talked for a long time

• thought about more thoroughly washing peed-on blankets and things soaking in the sink

• looked at internet

• there was a block party downstairs that [omitted] and i had talked about attending. there was also a reading on michael seidlinger’s roof. the reading was rescheduled for today. i was going to read at the first, non-rescheduled (just…scheduled…haha) reading but cancelled and i think other people cancelled too and there was rain and the whole thing was cancelled. felt guilty about not responding to michael’s facebook message but like, more of a latent guilt, because it didn’t actually feel like days had gone by where i hadn’t answered it. i just knew they had.

• read mira’s and willis’ tweets about the reading

• enjoyed looking at apartment from the perspective of ‘new bed placement’ a lot…like…just sat, looking at stuff

• colin knocked on the door to say he was moving out tomorrow. he asked if i wanted to hang out downstairs with ‘a bunch of us.’ i said i wanted to order food and didn’t feel social. this was around 10PM, i think. he offered to come by again in a half an hour to see how i felt then. i said ‘i mean, i’ll probably be eating.’ he said ‘right’—not in a hostile/resentful way, just like ‘i understand.’