big [mom’s name] in tht ehouse

knowing brigadune

i knew ‘elf’

rachel did 2000 that time

Ex-boyfriend: yeah and got it wrong

me: yeah

Ex-boyfriend: Steamnoat

what a twat

me: hehehe

she’s a real steamboat

Ex-boyfriend: kind of hope she wins for a long time

me: she’s a real stanley steamer

yeah…

i kind of like her

i like her long neck

and her something

that little somethign she has

medieval arches

that’s the pizza i ate

at mom’s

Ex-boyfriend: enjoy hating her

me: dr. oetker

yeah

wish there was always the fish unscrambler

Ex-boyfriend: diet stuff and fropiz

me: instead of a 3rd contestant

Ex-boyfriend: same lol

me: fish unscrambler

Ex-boyfriend: Hripms

me: hmmmmm.

SKRIMS

i think the answer is:

mt everest

u?

lol

;p;

oops

thought he made a huge typo

bye rachel

i hate that guy who won

internet dating champ

Ex-boyfriend: imthoight it was ISS too

dimmer

peace

me: pace

Sent at 7:27 PM on Tuesday

Ex-boyfriend: im a charter wchool vice principal

Sent at 7:51 PM on Tuesday

8:02PM: TV has been on at a low volume while i’ve been typing. people in spandex leotards and face paint are jumping from a high platform into a pool in a neither competitive nor synchronized manner. like, twenty people.

8:48PM: recorded video tour of apartment and uploaded to youtube. now in living room, smoking cigarette. it’s okay that i didn’t do anything today. i’ll do things tomorrow. using today as negative reinforcement for tomorrow.

10:37PM: ate three or four bites of hot ass leftovers. enduring hot ass acid reflux. alvie burned his tail on a candle and ran. phone is making noises. TV is on mute. feel like i’m in a waiting room.

man’s voice coming from downstairs just yelled, ‘i told you to fucking [muffled] when he [muffled] the goddamned [muffled].’ a door slammed.

11:12PM: selected ‘more comfortable and so better chances of outrunning whoever’s chasing me’ shoes instead of ‘red shoes’ for cigarette-garnering journey from apartment to parking spot and back.

March 27, 2013

MARCH 27, 2013

1:20AM: going to change up the game. really. um. this is really going to happen. so, in grad school, my dad and his friend motivated themselves to finish their dissertations by agreeing to mail one $100 check to the nixon administration for every day late.

so.

here is what i must do by tomorrow 12AM, this is my ‘dissertation:’

•  return attorney’s phone call about accident settlement i’m receiving

•  write and print cover letter at library

•  mail apartment application binder

•  mail book packages

•  call dad about getting keys to storage unit thursday

•  refill birth control

•  pack one box

•  shower

•  drink kale smoothie

here is what happens if i fail to complete ONE of these tasks, this is my ‘nixon fund:’

when i receive the accident settlement, i will have 50% of the bills printed and set them on fire in a trash can.