11:30PM: in the fridge is a plastic container of chicken wing tips ex-boyfriend saved from a night we made hot wings, weeks ago. i said ‘i think this is also part of what’s been making it stink.’ he agreed. he said ‘should we just dump it in the water at penn treaty park too?’ i said ‘yeah’ and ‘dumping things’ or something.

11:34PM: sat on toilet and called mom. saw blood on underpants and said ‘i got my period’ excitedly to ex-boyfriend, watching me from kitchen. he gave me a head check. licked my lips at him and pretended to be aroused by the period blood while i peed. talked in a normal voice to mom while continuing to make ‘nasty porno face.’ ex-boyfriend feigned disgust. or, i guess it could’ve been real disgust at my feigned disgusting behavior. so in either case, a degree of inauthenticity on both our parts. authentically inauthentic.

exited bathroom holding tampon applicator and wrapper. somehow it was decided we would throw the tampon accessories out with the rotten wings. gathered wings and tampon accessories in a black plastic bag. in less of a hurry to leave this time.

MARCH 26, 2013

12:04AM: ex-boyfriend said ‘i have to pee.’ i said ‘pee on me.’ he said ‘okay’ and unzipped his pants. i said ‘no, pee on the wings, in the wing container. it’ll be sick.’ he peed in the wing container until it was full. i re-capped the container. he said ‘you have to like, punt it. drop-kick it into the water.’ i said ‘dropkick murphys.’ was grinning a lot. it smelled sour. tried to take pictures but it wasn’t working. ex-boyfriend said ‘yeah, get a picture of it by like, in front of that sick apartment building. philly is so sick.’ he said something about my shoes, offered his shoe instead, said ‘i can tie it really tight on your foot.’ i said i would just use my shoes, ‘my flats.’ we said ‘flats’ a few times, chuckling. he said ‘can your phone like, take video?’ i said ‘no there’s not enough room. i could get. my computer? should i do that?’ he paused and said ‘whatever man, it’s your thing.’ felt something in me drop. it wasn’t as fun, thinking it was ‘my thing.’ asked him to take a picture of me punting the container. he said ‘no, i feel like i want to witness the moment fully.’ i said ‘yeah. yeah. okay.’ he said ‘no, stand up here on this thing, so you won’t worry about falling over.’ i stood next to him on the cement fixture. i said ‘okay. this is it.’ he said ‘okay.’ he tried to take a picture of me holding the pee-wings. i dropped the container and missed kicking it. heard it hit the rocks. ex-boyfriend stood. it was quiet. he said ‘well. that’s it.’ i said ‘yup. that’s it.’ he put his 40 back in bookbag.